Starting Over
by redh
Summary: What if Buffy wasn’t the one to die at the end of Season 5? How would that change the story?REVIEW PLEASE!
1. Welcome to Hell

**Starting Over**

By: I don't own any of the characters. The characters and stuff belong the writers and creators of Buffy and Angel

Pg-13-16

Willow/Spike w/ some Willow/Angel

Spoilers: Buffy - End of S5 and S6 Angel - S3

Summary: What if Buffy wasn't the one to die at the end of Season 5? How would that change the story?

A/N: I did use stuff from the series so you will probably recognize it when it pops up. Tara and Willow never went out but knew each other.

* * *

**Part 1**

She may as well have not even opened her eyes because when she did it was completely black. Even when her eyes adjusted it wasn't much better. When she tried to move she felt an arm slung across her stomach. She groaned when she moved and the arm tightened. She knew that she wasn't strong enough to pry it away. She hated him being stronger than her. She tried one more time, hearing a growl as the arm tightened even more.

"I have to go." She whispered

"No you don't." he answered

"I was out all night. They'll be worried." She reasoned moving around.

"They don't care." He mumbled into her shoulder.

Spike regretted saying that as Willow froze. He released his hold on her and Willow sat up. "That was harsh." She barely said.

"Harsh…but true"

"No its not"

"Think what you want red." Spike lightly grabbed her wrist. "Just look at their actions."

"They're confused."

"Shouldn't you be the one they say is confused?"

"Let me go Spike. I want to leave."

Spike let her go. "Fine, whatever, you'll be back tonight."

Willow didn't bother to correct him. As much as she wanted to she always came back to him. It's been the same for the last month. Willow got up and dressed and left the crypt. Spike closed his eyes and fell back asleep when he heard the door close.

* * *

When Willow left the crypt the sun was just rising. It was still dark enough for vampires to be out so she pulled out her stake. It was a good thing too because that's when a vamp decided to cross her path.

"You seem to be out a little late." Willow quipped. "Isn't your mother going to worry?"

"I don't think so," Replied the vamp "I killed her last week." He smiled.

"How sweet" Willow said as the vamp attacked her.

The vampire was a weak one so Willow was able to stake it fairly quick. She dusted herself off and headed home. She arrived home just as the sun appeared over the horizon. She took a deep breath and opened the quietly. She walked inside and went up to her room careful not to wake Buffy of Dawn. She changed into her pajamas and sat on her bed. She didn't think she was tired, but before she knew it she fell back asleep.

Willow opened her eyes to the sound of voices in the hallway. She got out of bed and opened her door.

"Hey sleepy," Buffy smiled "We weren't sure if you would join us today."

"What do you mean?" Willow asked

"It's almost one in the afternoon." Dawn laughed.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought. I'll go get dressed.

"Meet us downstairs for lunch when you're done." Willow heard Buffy call to her before closing the door.

* * *

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Willow was mostly on her computer. That's where she was now and was glad for the distraction as Dawn entered the room.

"Hey, we're heading over to the Magic Box. Do you want to come?" She asked hopefully. "They'll be pizza."

Willow smiled and began to shut down her computer. "You can be very persuasive, Miss Summers."

A few hours later the gang was sitting at the table researching the latest demon. Willow was sitting in front of her computer pretending to search. The truth was she was trying, she just couldn't. All the magic supplies around her was taunting her. Ever since she came back she was weak. A simple locator spell knocked her out.

**3 Months Ago**

"Do you have the supplies needed, Willow?" Giles asked

"Yup, it's all here. Here we go." Willow said as she located the demon.

Once it was complete Buffy and Spike went to get some weapons to fight with. Xander was about to get up when he noticed Willow didn't look so good.

"Are you okay, Wills?" He asked concerned. Spike and Buffy heard this and came back to Willow. "You don't look so good."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just the first spell in awhile." Willow said standing.

That's when a wave of dizziness came over her. The last thing she remembered was looking up and Xander, Buffy, and Spike's concerned faces. When she awoke she was on the couch in the training room.

"She's coming to." A voice said. "Are you okay Willow?" Willow recognized the voice of Buffy.

"Have some water." Anya said putting glass in front of her face.

Willow sat up and took the glass. "Thank you. I think I'm fine now." Willow said with a weak, fake smile. Everybody noticed it.

"Maybe it was just too much too soon." Giles said cleaning his glasses.

**Present**

Willow came back from her daydream when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Spike looking down at her. "Watcher wants us to get something from downstairs."

Willow stared at him for a moment before getting up and following him downstairs. "Alright" She said quietly, still in a slight daze.

"What were you thinking about?" Spike asked as they walked downstairs.

"Nothing…just spaced out." Willow lied

"That was some nothing pet." Spike said looking at her. "What…"

Willow cut him off. "What are we looking for?"

Spike took the hint and answered. "Demons of the 17th Century." He was more interested in something else anyway.

Willow smiled as she looked at the table. "That was easy." She said picking up the book. She gasped when Spike knocked the book out of her hand and pushed her against the wall. "Spike…Spike not here." She tried as she pushed him away, but couldn't. "Spike…there right upstairs."

"You want this as much as I do." Spike said against her neck. "You were remembering. You need this."

"I…I…oh God"

* * *

"We were beginning to worry." Buffy said when Willow and Spike returned.

"The book wasn't easy to find." Spike said moving back to the table.

Buffy looked to Willow, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little tired." Willow smiled, trying to look normal.

"Are you getting sick?" Dawn asked. "You slept pretty late today."

"I'm fine. I just was up late last night."

"What were you doing?" The question came from Spike.

Willow glared at Spike before answering. "I was playing on the computer…email and stuff."

"I hate to sound parental, Will." Xander said, "But maybe you should spend less time on that thing."

"Yes dad," she said sarcastically. "I'll start now. I'm gonna head out."

"Do you want me to come with?" Buffy asked

"No, you and Spike…" She made sure to include Spike. "…need to patrol."

"If you're sure; do you mind if Dawn goes with you?"

"If she must" Willow said in mock annoyance.

"You're funny Willow." Dawn said heading to the door.

* * *

Willow sat on her bed a little while later staring at Amy walking around in her cage. She realized that less than a year ago she could have changed Amy back. She was strong enough.

A lot was different a year ago. She was still in school. Dawn was the key and was in danger. Glory was just a name without a face. She thought she was hitting it off with a new guy in her art history class. Buffy was getting over Riley. It was the norm in Sunnydale. A year ago Willow didn't know what it was like to crawl out of a grave…her grave.

Ever since then Willow has been confused, depressed, and lonely. She came back from the dead and couldn't figure out why the feeling of death hasn't left her body.

**7 Months Ago**

"The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more." Giles read again at Buffy's insistence. He took off his glasses. "When Dawn is dead."

Before anyone, Xander asked. "Why blood; why Dawn's blood?"

"Cause it's always got to be blood." Spike said

"We're not actually talking about dinner right now." Xander snapped back.

Spike began again. "Blood is life, lack brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm, makes you hard, and makes you other than dead." Getting quiet Spike finished, "Course it's her blood."

"Why Dawns blood?" Anya wondered out loud.

"Because she has my blood; my blood is the only that comes close to that kind of power." Buffy looked down. "Because she's my sister"

"She's not your sister." Giles whispered.

"No, she's not. She's more than that. She's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her…and I feel closer to her than…Its not just memories they built. It's physical. Dawn…is a part of me. The only part that I…"

"We'll solve this. We will." Willow spoke for the first time. "Don't have another coma, okay?"

* * *

"Did you do the locator spell?" Buffy asked Willow

"Yeah, I got it." Willow answered nervously. "Did I mention I'm not good under pressure?"

"I need you Will. You're my big gun." Buffy said. "You're the strongest person here." She stressed. "You know that right?"

"Well…no"

"Will, you're the only person to hurt Glory. At all"

* * *

Everyone was split up. Willow's mind mojo on Glory threw her back and knocked her out. Buffy was fighting with Glory. Spike, Giles, Xander, and Anya were all over fighting minions. Dawn was up on the tower watching the fight and calling for help.

Spike, Giles, Xander, and Anya all came back together behind a wall and began throwing bricks at the minions.

"Where's Willow?" Xander asked between throws

Giles was about to answer when a voice popped up behind them. "I'm right here. Spike, is someone up there with Dawn?"

Spike looked up. "Yeah, but I can't tell who."

Willow turned to Giles, Xander and Anya. "You three stay here; Spike and I are going up."

"Okay, Will, but there are minions…" the minions flew to the side, "not in your way." Xander finished.

Spike and Willow took there chance and ran up to the tower.

"Well look who finally decided to join us." Doc said

"Willow! Spike!" Dawn screamed

"It's okay Dawn. It's almost over." Willow smiled at Dawn.

"Yes, it is." Doc agreed.

He started to go toward Dawn again but Spike grabbed him and threw him back. As they started fighting, Willow went to Dawn and began working on the ropes. Willow was almost done when Dawn screamed Spikes name. Willow turned in time to see Spike's pained expression before being thrown off the side of the building. Doc still had the knife in his hand and began advancing on Willow and Dawn. Willow stood in front of Dawn trying to think of a way to get out of there. The spell she did took a lot out of her and she got a little beat up fighting the minions.

_"You're the strongest person here."_

Willow saw the knife come at her, but she blocked it by grabbing Docs arm. Doc was pushing it down and Willow was trying to hold it up as Dawn worked on releasing herself from the last tie on her wrist.

_"You're the only person to hurt Glory."_

Willow figured out what she had to do. She wouldn't let Dawn go through this at such a young age. Releasing her grip on Doc's arm, she let him bring the knife down on her. It sliced deep in her arm and Willow cried out in pain.

The three on the tower looked down as Willows blood stopped in midair and exploded into a bright flash.

The portal began to open.

"Well, isn't that something, something very much unexpected." Doc said. "I guess my work is done here."

He turned to leave but he was suddenly pushed off the side. Willow looked to see Spike standing there. "I'm so sorry." He whispered

It was quiet for a moment before Dawn said, "I have to jump."

"No, you don't." Willow said softly with a smile.

"We'll find another way, nibblet." Spike said pulling her towards the stairs.

"It's the only way Spike." She said desperately.

"There has to be another way." Spike insisted

"There's not" Willow spoke up.

"Willow…I'm scared." Dawn said crying

Willow smiled at Dawn. "Why? You have your life to live Dawn. We are all here for a reason. This isn't yours. Nobody knows yours yet."

"How can you be so calm?" Spike asked

"This is what I'm meant to do. I just know it." Willow insisted.

"The portals open." Dawn said

"But not by your blood."

Realization hit Dawn. "No…no…I won't let you." Dawn said holding Willows arm tighter than either thought possible. "Why"

"The portal needed blood as strong as a God…a slayer. Guess what? Mine is that strong." Willow answered

"No" Both Dawn and Spike said.

"Go" Willow said calmly. She turned to Dawn. "Live your life. You're young. Tell everyone that I love them. Tell Buffy to keep slaying her best. Tell Giles that I love him like a father. Tell Xander and Anya that if and when they marry…I'll be there." Willow finished.

"Willow…no" Dawn whimpered

"Aw, Dawnie, just go and live; for me." Willow pulled the teenager into her arms and gave her a hug. She then turned to Spike and hugged him. "Take care of them all." She said into his ear. "Let go, Spike" she said when he wouldn't let her go.

Both Dawn and Spike watched with tears in their eyes as Willow turned and ran off the edge of the ramp.

When they got to the bottom they saw the battered up slayer and Scooby gang staring at the broken body of Willow Rosenberg.

**Present**

Willow opened her eyes and found she was staring at the ceiling.

"Must have been some dream." Spike said from the window. He threw his cigarette down below and sat on the windowsill. "You were movin and mumblin a lot. Couldn't understand a word you were saying. What was it about, pet?"

"That night" Willow said simply

Spike was a little shocked at how easy it was to get an answer from her. He would usually have to wait longer to get her to talk. He was about to go to Willow when she came to the window and climbed out. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. He knew what night she was referring to.

Willow didn't answer him. She just sat down and rested her head on his shoulder when he sat next to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm.

They sat like that for awhile before Willow got up. "I should get inside. I need to sleep." Spike nodded. "I can't talk about it." Willow whispered.

"I understand. I was never there myself, but I heard Hell is an awful place. I'll probably figure that out someday."

Willow gave a small, sad smile. "I can't talk about Hell, because…because I was never there." Willow saw the confused look on Spike's face. "I was in Heaven." She whispered.

"What?"

"They can never know."

"Willow…"

"I'm dealing Spike, I am." Willow said before climbing in the window.

"Not very well though"

"I'm dealing…living. That's all that matters."

"You may be dealing, but your not living, Willow. You need someone."

"Your right, I do need someone. Do you know anyone who recently came back from eternal bliss?" Willow waited. "I didn't think so."

Spike watched as the window closed. He didn't know what else to do. Willow was in Heaven. Her friends didn't save her from an eternity of torment. They ripped her out of eternal happiness.

TBC…


	2. Get Away

**Part 2**

Willow could feel Spike's eyes on her all night. It's been a week since she told him she was in heaven and she avoided him the whole time. She knew he had questions; it's just that she didn't want to answer them. Willow watched as Giles got up to answer the phone.

Xander and Anya immediately stopped working and started to talk about their upcoming wedding. Yes, they were finally getting married. Willow knew it would happen sooner or later. She knew they were happy together.

Buffy and Dawn went to the back to continue Dawn's training. Buffy thought it would be important for Dawn to start learning self defense. Dawn liked the idea to.

That left Willow alone with Spike. Spike stood up and walked past Willow letting his hand run across her shoulders. She saw him as head to the back door and willed herself not to follow. She was able to do it for a minute but then got up to follow him.

When Willow got outside she saw Spike light a cigarette in his mouth. "If you aren't already dead, I would say those were dangerous."

"It's a good thing you don't have to waste your breath then." Spike answered taking a drag. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't." Willow denied weakly.

"Uh huh" Spike said throwing the cigarette to the ground. He then threw his arm around Willows waist and pulled her close to him. "This…is not avoiding, Witch." He moved his free hand to the back of her head and tangled his fingers in her hair. "This is what I think we both have missed." He leered then pulled her closer and kissed her.

Willow had one hand on his chest and the other on his arm. She started to push him away when he pulled her hair to hard. Spike felt this and pulled his head back a little. "That hurt. You don't just get to hurt me when you feel like it. I'm not some demon"

"Oh I don't know, love." Spike smirked. "This chip prevents me from hurting anything but demons." That was a mistake because he didn't even see her arm pull back and punch him in the face. "Bloody Hell, Witch!" He yelled staggering back.

Willow didn't answer. She just turned and headed to the door. She didn't go far before Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her back causing her to fall to the ground. "Spike…"

"What? Spike what?" Spike snarled. "Don't go throwing punches if you can't handle it, Red."

"I didn't think I was going to be pushed around by coming out here tonight." Willow said standing up.

"You didn't know you were, but you like it. You get off on it." Spike said as he moved closer to her like the predator he really is. He smiled and stopped when she stepped back in fear. "You like the fear, the danger."

"I need to get back inside."

"Why? You're just going to lie to them more. What's the point? They don't care about you. They just care that their conscience is cleared."

"That's not true." Willow insisted.

"Then why aren't they doing anything to help?" Spike persisted. "Why did they pretend everything was normal a week after your return?"

"I moved in with Buffy. I don't go to work or school. I'm living off all of them. Xander…"

"Material, material" Spike shouted. "When was the last time they actually showed they cared? You know, without stuff?"

"You mean when was the last time one of them threw me against the wall and screwed me? Your right Spike, they haven't done that." Willow shouted back.

"Let me ask you this, Witch…who else knows you weren't in Hell? Which one of them has tried to help you through that minor detail?"

"They don't need to worry about that." Willow answered quietly. "They just need to live their lives."

Spike walked to the door and opened it. Willow stared for a moment then walked to it. Before she went through Spike stopped her. "And you're living the life you were never meant to live."

* * *

"What happened to you two?" Anya asked when she looked at Willow and Spikes disheveled appearances.

"Vampire" they muttered moving back to the table.

"Willow, I have a favor to ask of you." Giles said

"Sure Giles, what do you need?"

"That was Angel on the phone. He needs a book that I have. I was wondering if you could bring it to him."

Willow wasn't expecting that and was about to ask why her, but Spike beat her to it. "Why Red; should she really be left alone?"

Everyone was shocked at Spike's concern, but let it pass. It was common knowledge that he had a crush on her.

"I was thinking that she and Angel could talk about…" Giles couldn't say it, but Spike finished for him.

"Willow and Angel can have a nice chat about Hell…" He stressed the word Hell, "…over a cup of hot coffee and blood." He turned to Willow. "Are you going to tell the great Poof about your experience?"

"Whether I tell Angel or not doesn't matter. He needs something and I'll bring it to him." She turned to Giles. "When should I leave?"

"I was thinking tomorrow morning. It would be safer time to drive. Is that alright with you?" Giles said. Willow nodded. "You should go home now and get some rest then."

"Sounds good; I think I'll take the bus instead. I don't really feel like driving." Willow said getting up to gather her stuff.

She was putting her coat on when Giles came over. "I'm trying to help."

"I know, thank you." Willow said and was about to move when Giles touched her arm.

"Here…for the bus ticket." Giles said taking out his wallet.

"Giles…you don't…"

"Please take it Willow. I know you don't have much." Giles insisted putting money in her hand.

"I will pay you back…for everything." Willow said quietly looking down.

"Don't even worry about it Willow."

Willow took a deep breath then returned to the table. "I was going to leave on the early bus, so I'll see you guys when I get back."

"Hold up, pet." Spike said standing. "I'll walk you home. I'm bored here."

"Spike we could use your help here." Buffy said.

"I don't care." Spike answered heading to the door.

* * *

Neither Willow nor Spike spoke the entire way home. Willow was about to go inside when Spike grabbed her wrist. "Do you think he's going to help you?"

"I don't know how he will." Willow said pulling free. "Go home, Spike."

Spike stared at her for a moment eyebrows furrowing before turning to leave. When he reached the sidewalk he turned back to Will. "He's going to know about us, pet." He shouted. "He'll smell it."

Willow leaned her forehead against the door before pushing it open and slowly walking inside. Spike watched as Willows bedroom light went on. He didn't leave until he saw it go off.

* * *

Willow was putting a few last things in her bag when Buffy knocked on the door and came in. "Hey, are you almost ready to leave?" Buffy asked

"Yeah, almost" Willow said closing the bag

"Are you sure? Do you need anything else…more clothes, a toothbrush?"

"I'm only staying the night, mom. I'm 20. I think I'll be fine."

"I'm just worried. This is the first time you'll be on your own in awhile." Willow raised her eyebrows. "Okay, okay…" Buffy raised her hands in defeat. "Go to LA. Dance, party, have a baby. Don't be responsible." Buffy smiled. "How was that?"

"That's better, but again, one night. I don't think I'll have a baby."

"Well in any case…" The two friends hugged. When they pulled away Buffy finished. "…Angel can help more than any of us. He's been there."

"I know, it'll just be hard talking to him." Willow admitted sitting on the bed. "I consider him one of my closest friends, but we barely know each other."

"What do you mean?" Buffy wondered sitting next to Willow.

"I mean we've never really talked. When we have it's been about the end of the world and…you, to be honest. Our friendship is based on saving each other. He's saved me countless numbers of times and I gave him back his soul."

"Well I think that's a pretty good basis for friendship." Buffy said with a small smile. "He was there at…" She couldn't finish.

"My funeral; its okay, Buff, you can say it." Willow patted her friend's knee.

Buffy put her hand over Willow's. "I know when we're together it's always about us, but this time it wasn't. I've never seen his face so sad over someone he didn't care about, Will. Hell, I don't think I've ever seen his face like that. I wanted so badly to comfort him and he me, but neither of us could. Our minds, like everyone else's, were on you. I was keeping busy trying to help everyone else grieve that I barely talked to him. But when I did look over to him, he was sitting on the couch drawing something. Before he left he showed me. It was a drawing of you. You know the one by the fireplace? He said he wanted to remember the person that saved him. He said he never knew he could love someone so much without being in love with them. He always regretted never being able to repay you for his soul. I think we both did. I think he blames himself for not being there to help…to save you." When Buffy finished both girls had tears in their eyes.

"Wow" Willow choked out.

"Yeah," Buffy answered wiping her eyes. It was quiet for a moment before Buffy spoke, this time trying to sound chipper. "So what book are you bringing?"

Willow wiped her eyes. "Some book about demons and portals."

"Well you better get going. I want you back as soon as possible. Be sure you say goodbye to Dawn."

"Its not even seven, shouldn't you two be sleeping?"

"I was going to take you to the station. Dawn just wants to say goodbye."

"One day" Willow stressed

"Will…" They stopped outside Dawn's door. "Dawn feels responsible for your death." Buffy said quietly

"She shouldn't. I didn't give her a choice. I made the decision."

"You gave your life to save her. She's…no one, is ever going to forget that, especially me."

"I did it to save the world."

"And her"

* * *

Buffy and Dawn both drove Willow to the bus station. Willow was glad she wasn't driving the two hours to LA. She just wanted to sit and have some time to herself. The bus was pretty empty for which she was glad.

About twenty minutes into the ride Willow fell asleep and began to have dreams like she's been having since she came back.

**4 Months Ago**

Her eyes flew open to pitch-blackness. She couldn't see anything and she could barely breathe. When she tried to move her arms she felt something hard next to her. She moved her arms and legs around and realized she was in box. Out of fear and panic she began thrashing at the top of the box. Once she made it through the fabric she hit something hard. With all her strength she hit it over and over until it broke. That's when dirt started to fall on her. She clawed her way through the dirt and pulled her self up. She was about to pass out from the lack of air when her hand broke through something and into nothingness. With the last of her strength she pulled herself up and out of the ground. She began to catch her breath as she lay on the cold ground.

Once she could breath again she took in her surroundings. There were trees and bushes all around. There was a small lake by her that the moon reflected off. If circumstances were different she would think this place beautiful.

Still not realizing where or who she was, she looked directly in front of her. She moved forward to the headstone and traced the words with her finger.

_Willow Rosenberg_

_1981-2001_

"_A True Friend and Hero to Everyone"_

Willow fell back when memories began to bombard her. She remembered meeting Xander in kindergarten and Jesse a year later. She remembered meeting Buffy and learning about slayers and demons. She remembered fighting side by side with her friends. She remembered Dawn and Spike's faces as she turned from them and ran off the tower. She remembered her death.

Willow stood up on shaky legs and tried to decide what to do, where to go. Before she could thing of anything a demon on a motorcycle jumped out of the bushes. Willow began to move backwards and bumped into a tree. The demon saw her and smiled. He got off his bike and stalked over to Willow. Willow watched in horror and did the only thing she could. She screamed.

Buffy, Xander, Anya, and Tara were split up fighting in the forest. Anya and Tara went one way as Buffy and Xander went the other. Buffy and Xander were also split up as they fought.

Xander finished off a demon when he heard a scream. He knew that scream. He began ran as fast as he could back to the gravesite of his best friend.

When Xander got there he saw something that scared him more than anything ever before. He saw Willow alive. She was alive and held up against the tree about to be killed again by a demon. Xander quickly picked up a rock that was on the ground and hit the demon over the head with it knocking him out. Xander caught Willow as she fell to the ground.

"Willow! Willow! Please answer me. Wake up Willow?" Xander tried desperately. He heard the demon next to him begin to move so he picked Willow up and carried her to the end of the forest.

A little while later Xander found an alleyway that seemed empty so he set Willow down and tried to wake her up again. "Will, Willow, come on wake up…please." He gently started to shake her. "Don't do this to me." He said with tears falling down his cheeks. "Give me a sign that your there." He whispered. Xander got Willow in his arms again when he heard a motorcycle get close to them again. He was about to move when the bike cut them off. "I never thought I would be glad to see you."

Spike didn't answer him. He just stared at the girl in his arms.

Dawn jumped off the back of the bike and moved to Xander. "Oh my God." She whispered. "Willow, how?"

The three of them heard another motorcycle coming. Spike finally came out of his trance. "That doesn't matter right now. We need to get her out of here. Hand her over." He put his arms out to take her.

Xander hesitated a moment before setting Willow in front of Spike, deciding that it was the best thing for now. "Meet at the Magic Box."

Spike nodded and then took off. Xander watched them go and then took Dawns hand and pulled her with him.

**Present**

Willow awoke when the bus driver announced that they arrived at the LA bus station. She was supposed to call Angel a half hour before she got in but forgot. She decided to catch a cab instead of wait.

TBC


	3. City of Angel Location, Location

**Part 3A**

Willow paid the cab driver and watched as he drove away. She was suddenly getting nervous about seeing Angel. Spike was right. He would know about their affair. Would he tell anyone? Would he care?" She decided to suck it up and get on with it. She slowly walked up to the doors of Angel Investigations and walked in.

Willow looked around the lobby expecting to see someone, but it didn't look like anyone was around. She looked at her watch and noticed it was almost ten. "Hello" she called out but no one answered. She expected at least one person to be here. They did want her to come up with the book. "Hello" she tried again, this time a little louder.

"Can I help you?" A tall black man asked coming out of an office.

"Um, yeah, I'm looking for Angel. This is Angel Investigations, right?"

"That's us. Angel is…busy at the moment. Can I help you?"

"I just had something for him." Willow saw the confused look. "Sorry, I'm Willow. From Sunnydale"

"Willow? Oh, you're the one who d…brought the book." He caught himself and they both noticed. "I'm Gunn." He said extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you" Will said politely

"You too; I thought you were going to call. I was going to pick you up."

"I was going to call from the bus but fell asleep on the way up. I just got a cab instead of waiting."

"Understandable. Angel should be around later. You know the whole vampire hours"

"Vampire" Willow asked surprised and laughed at Gunn's shocked expression. "Just kidding"

Gunn laughed. "Thought so, you did say Sunnydale." He smiled. "Did you eat yet, because if you didn't you could come with me and Fred? We were leaving shortly to get some breakfast." Willow was about to answer when Gunn said, "Here she is now."

"She" Willow said more to herself.

"Fred, this is Willow from Sunnydale." Gunn introduced.

"It's nice to meet you." Fred said holding out her hand. Willow smiled and shook it. "Charles and I were going for breakfast. Did he already invite you because if he didn't that would have been rude?"

"He did invite me, but I'll stay behind. I don't want to intrude."

"Nonsense" Fred said. "We would be happy to have you. Any friend of Angel's is a friend of ours."

"Yeah, besides, Angel won't be up for a few hours. We could show you around." Gunn said.

"We could go shopping." Fred said happily.

Willow tried to smile at Fred but found she couldn't. "I would like to, but I don't have any money on me."

"We could stop at a bank if you need to." Fred suggested.

"I don't think that would work either." Willow said quietly

"How..."

"Fred" Gunn cut her off

"What? I was just…" She looked down embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I'll just stick around here." Willow insisted.

"No you won't." Gunn said. "Angel isn't the only one who believes in chivalry around here."

* * *

The three of them were sitting in a diner eating breakfast. It was slightly uncomfortable. It was a pretty quiet meal before Willow spoke.

"So where are Cordelia and Wesley? I haven't seen them in a long time." Willow said.

Gunn and Fred looked at each other before Gunn answered. "Cordelia is in Mexico with her boyfriend. Wesley…Wesley isn't really around anymore."

"Lucky Cordelia" Willow said. "What about Wesley?"

I don't think that's really for us to say. If you want to know you should talk to Angel." Fred said.

Gunn decided to change the subject before it went further. "How's Sunnydale?"

"Good…" Willow answered. "Xander and Anya are getting married. Buffy is still slaying and teaching Dawn self defense. Giles is still the watcher. Spike is Spike." Willow finished. "Did any of that mean anything to you?"

"Slaying" Gunn answered before putting more food in his mouth.

* * *

Gunn and Fred decided to show Willow some of the sites in LA before heading back to the hotel. When they did return back it was after four.

They entered the hotel to see Angel sitting on the couch. When he saw Willow he immediately stood up and went over to her. He smiled before pulling her into a hug. Willow hugged him back with a smile on her face.

"I can't believe you're here. It's so good to see you." He whispered.

"Here I am. It's good to see you too, Angel." They stood there for a moment before Willow went into her bag. "Here's the book you wanted."

"Thank you." Angel said taking it from her.

Willow looked at him expectantly. "Can I ask what it's for?"

"We'll be…around." Gunn said pulling Fred with him.

Angel and Willow watched as they left and then Angel turned back to Willow. "Demons…and portals" He said cryptically. "How are you doing Willow?" he asked trying to change the subject.

"I'm fine." It was Angels turn to look expectant. "Don't throw around vague answers if you don't want them back."

"Willow what I'm going through; I don't think you can help. But I can help you. I've been there…literally."

"I seriously doubt that." She muttered.

"I was there. You know that."

Willow looked at him. "I'll tell if you tell."

"Willow I don't think…"

She cut him off. "Does it have to do with Wesley?"

"What did they tell you?"

"If I wanted to know I would have to ask you."

"Yeah well…" Angel let out an unnecessary sigh. "Come upstairs. Willow looked at him quizzically. "Do you want to know what's going on?"

The first thing Willow saw when she entered Angel's room was the crib.

"Angel…"

"I had a son."

"How"

Angel then went in about everything that happened to him since Darla came back. "I know it sounds weird and impossible…" He let his last line hang.

"Angel…weird would be me and Xander getting married and having children in the suburbs."

Angel let out a huff. "Yeah, Xander is pretty weird."

"I just don't get Wesley. I mean, he didn't mean it."

"Yeah, well, my son's life is still over."

Silence fell over the two for a little while until Willow stood up. "I think I should get going." She began to walk to the door.

Angel was caught off guard and it took a minute to register. "Hey wait." He said getting up. He cut her off before she reached the door. "What happened to I tell you tell."

Willow let out a sigh. "What do you want to know?"

"How are you doing? Honestly."

"Honestly?" Willow repeated sitting down. Angel nodded. "I'm miserable. I'm just so confused about everything. Everything is the same but it feels so different. It's like I'm watching life from the sideline. Physically I'm weaker than I've ever been. I can't even do a locator spell without passing out. I can barely dust a fledgling." Willow let her head rest in her hands.

Angel sat down next to her. "It takes time getting used to being back." He put his arm around her and let her head rest on his shoulder. "Its only been a few months. Your strength will come back." Angel assured her. "You are strong Willow and you have friends there to help you."

"They've helped enough."

He didn't expect the hint of bitterness in her voice. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing" She muttered standing. Angel pulled her down. "Angel…"

"Why did you say that like that?"

"I'm upset. I didn't mean it to sound like that." She said pulling her small hands out of Angel's larger ones. She got up and quickly headed to the door. She almost made it but Angel cut her off. "Please move."

"Don't lie to me Willow. I'm not Buffy or Xander. I can see through the fake lies" Willow stared at him. "Yeah, I've tossed around words that make others happy a few times before. What did you mean back there?" He asked again, a little more forceful. "Why don't you sound happy and thankful to be out of Hell?"

"Because I'm in Hell right now" Willow finally broke. "Are you happy now? I'm in a living Hell because my friends missed me."

"Willow…"

"I was in Heaven, Angel. I was happy. I knew that everything would be okay. Now I'm back here and all I see and feel is pain."

Angel fell into a chair in shock. "I'm sorry" was all he could come up with.

"Me too" she said quietly sitting across from him.

Neither said anyting else for the next hour. They stayed in their own thoughts until there was a knock at the door. Angel got up to answer it.

"Yeah" He said to Gunn.

"Fred and I were going to get dinner. We wanted to know if Willow had any preferences."

"I'll ask…"

"I don't want you to spend any more of your money on me. I'll find something here." Willow said from behind.

"Pizza it is" Gunn said before heading off

Angel was about to close the door when Willow stopped him. "Which room can I stay in tonight?"

"You can have your pick."

"Thank you."

She was about to leave when Angel touched her arm. "They were only trying to help."

"So was Wesley."

* * *

An hour later the four were sitting in the lobby finished their pizza. The conversation flow was almost nonexistent. Besides Willow and Angel not looking at each other, they wouldn't say more than one word at a time.

"I'm getting kind of tired. I'm going to head up." Willow said standing. "Thank you for dinner and breakfast.

"Night Willow"

"See you in the morning."

Willow turned to Angel. "Night Angel"

"Night" He murmured

Fred and Gunn watched as Willow walked up the stairs. Gunn turned to Angel when Willow was out of view. "Is everything alright, man?"

Angel nodded in acknowledgement before standing and following Willow. When Willow opened the door for him he asked, "Can I come in?" He wasn't expecting her to say no. "Well that's too bad because…" he pushed his way through, "…I'm in." He saw Willows confused expression. "You're spending the night, not living here. Nice try though."

"What do you want, Angel?" Willow asked closing her door but leaving her hand resting on the handle.

"Does anyone else know?"

"No," She opened the door. "Now can you please leave? I'm tired."

Angel walked to the door, but instead of walking through it, he slammed it shut causing Willow to jump. He was tired of the circuitous talk. He grabbed her arm and pushed her against the door. "Does he know?"

"Does who know what?" Willow asked defiantly

He gave a dark smile. "Is this how you have your fun; pissing people off?"

Willow could see the anger building in his eyes, but she didn't care. "Maybe it is!" She yelled. "Why do you care?" She tried to push him off but, like Spike, he was too strong.

"I have no idea. I should stop because you obviously don't want help." He said with a push then let her go.

'Then maybe you should stop."

"Is that what you really want?" Willow tried to answer but found that she couldn't. "What was that? I couldn't hear you."

When Willow finally found her voice she asked, "Are you going to tell?"

Angel thought for a moment before simply saying, "Yes"

Willow nodded. "Fine"

A second after she said that Angel had her pushed against the wall again. "You really don't care, do you?" Angel could see and smell the fear creeping up in her. He just tightened his grip on her more. "Are you really that dead on the inside." He asked barely above a whisper. "Do you care about anything?"

"What should I care about?" Willow asked lowly. "Tell me Angel. Should I care about everything I don't have? Should I care about my friends who pass me around to others for help instead of trying to help me their selves? Should I care that they want to pretend that everything is just peachy? Should I care about my parents who I will never see because they think I'm dead? Should I care about my grades? Oh wait, I'm not in school anymore. I'm dead and I have no money! My job, wait…no, I never had and never will have one. Do you know why Angel? Do you?" Angel didn't answer, but he did let her go. "I don't care because I'm dead. I could show you the death certificate if you want." Willow waited for Angel to say something but he never did. "What's wrong Angel; nothing to say? Did you not expect that? Did you think I was helpless and that you could fix me? Well guess what? You can't." Willow stopped to catch her breath then started again. "Do you know what its like to be dead?" She smiled. "I guess you do." Willow knew she should stop but she wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to leave her alone. "You've been dead for over two hundred years. Almost a hundred of those you had to redeem yourself. You were doing a good job to until you turned you back on those lawyers."

"Stop" Angel growled at her.

"What about the baby…your baby?" She saw his eyes glow. "You couldn't protect him. Some father you…"

"Shut up!"

"…are…were! "Willow let out a humorless laugh then turned to leave. "You can't…" She was cut off by Angels arm snaking painfully around her waist and hand grabbing her shoulder. "Let go." She tried

"What's wrong? Are you scared?" Angel rested his chin on her shoulder. "I know you are. I can smell it." He said dangerously. "I may have a soul, but that scent drives me crazy."

"Angel…"

"Shut up." He shook her. "It's my turn now. You may think your in pain and have no control, but you do. Its sad to see you like this, wasting your life…being weak." He slid his hand around her neck then down her shoulder and arm. "Maybe your words would mean something…." He spun her around and made sure she was looking in his eyes. "…if you weren't so sad and broken." Angel waited a moment. "What's wrong Willow, nothing to say?" He could feel how tense she was. "Not so strong, are you?"

The room was deathly silent when Angel finished his tirade. The two stood staring at each other for what seemed like eternity. Willow tried to move but Angel would let her. Instead, he slowly lowered his head to hers. He placed a kiss on her lips then pulled away and looked in her eyes. He then lowered again and the kiss was tentative and slow until Willow started to kiss back. It wasn't long before Angel pushed her towards his room and then down on his bed.

* * *

Willow woke up in the middle of the night and sat up in the bed. It took her moment to remember what happened. She looked to make sure Angel was still sleeping before wrapping a sheet abound herself and getting out of bed. She quietly went out on the balcony and leaned against the rail. She looked up to the sky and thought about the day. She jumped when she heard a voice behind her.

"Are you okay?" She turned to see Angel behind her only in a sheet around his waist. "Don't worry, I'm not Angelus." He assured her. He then moved to stand next to her. "What are you thinking about?"

"This last day and how different it went." Willow looked down. "I didn't mean what I said about you not protecting…"

Angel lifted her chin so she was looking at him. "Hey, don't worry about it. I think we both said things we didn't mean. We were both angry."

"Spike knows."

"I know, but why him?"

"I guess because he's the only who really understands. He's the only one there who is dead. I guess we could relate. He's the only one who really helped."

"I can understand that." Angel nodded. "If he ever hurts you, phys…well emotionally, just tell me. I don't mind tossing him around a little." Angel noticed the look on her face. "He hasn't hurt you right?"

"No more than you have tonight."

"Willow, what I said…"

"Not just words Angel." Willow turned to him. "I know you can feel it. I'm wrong…different. So many other vamps have noticed it too. They won't even bite me. Once one did draw blood but stopped. He said I tasted dead."

"What does this have to do with Spike?"

"The chip doesn't work on me."

"You're normal Willow." Angel insisted. "You're not wrong."

"I guess in Sunnydale standards I am." Willow finally let the tears fall.

Angel pulled her into his arms and held her. He lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the bed and laid her down. He then crawled behind her and pulled the blankets up. "Get some rest." He whispered. He held her until the sobs stopped and she fell asleep. "Everything will turn out right…I promise."

**Part 3B**

When Willow first opened her eyes she saw rays of sunlight entering the room. She smiled a little before remembering where she was. "Angel!" she yelled as she jumped up to close the blinds.

Angel was lying in bed next to Willow, out of the suns path, when she screamed. He quickly jumped up causing him self to enter the rays. He growled and fell backwards onto the floor with a loud thud. Willow quickly closed the blinds and turned to Angel. She blushed and smiled apologetically. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah, I just saw the sun and thought…" she looked down embarrassed.

Angel stood up. "Don't worry about it." He looked around the room. "So"

"So" Willow finally looked at him. "Um…Angel" She indicated downward.

Angel looked down and then quickly grabbed a blanket. "Sorry" Angel saw Willow blush. "There's a first." He said with a small smile.

"What" she asked

"You blushed…for the second time in five minutes."

"So…"

"You used to do that more often when you were younger. It's the first time you've done it since you've been here."

"Its only been a day."

"Still…it's nice to see."

"Well, thank you, I think."

"Your welcome, I think."

Willow smiled again before saying. "I think I…we should get dressed." She began to gather her clothes. She looked for a clock, but couldn't find it. "Do you know what time it is?"

Willow walked to the other room and pulled on some pants before looking at the clock. "Wow, it's a little past one. What time does your bus leave?"

Willow walked into the room pulling her shirt down. "It leaves at noon." She said running her fingers through her hair then stopped. "Damn, it left already." Willow fell on the couch. "The next doesn't leave until Monday."

"Why don't you just stay here until the sun sets and then I'll drive you home?" Angel suggested.

"Angel, you've already don't enough for me. I don't want to…"

"Great, so to repay me you'll fix my computer. It keeps on shutting down on me."

"Angel…"

"Willow, how much money do you have?"

"I have…I have…" She went to her purse and pulled out her wallet. "I have nothing." She said quietly. "I used the money I had on the bus and cab. "It wasn't even my money. It was from Giles."

Angel watched as Willow threw the wallet to the ground. He could see she was getting upset and rushed to her side. "Hey, hey…it's okay"

"No its not" She pulled away from him. "I'm completely broke. Not the completely broke like I have money in the bank, I mean no money whatsoever." She rested her head in her hands. "I need some on my own."

"Giles and the others, including me, are there to help and support you. We know this is hard for you."

"Great, so I'll be on welfare for the next fifty years until I die. That's what every girl wants." She looked up. "Don't you think that will get boring?"

"You help save the world everyday." Angel pointed out.

"Buffy still pays bills." Willow countered

"Willow, everything…"

"Angel, you didn't want me to lie to you, please don't lie to me."

"Truth, Willow?" Angel asked and she nodded. "The truth is, is that it is going to be hard. It's going to be harder than anything you've ever done. You are going to have to find an alternative way to living. Most vampires and demons do."

"Just who I always wanted to be like" She muttered

Angel ignored her comment and continued on. "You haven't grown up in the most normal circumstances. I know you can do it. I said it before and I'll say it again, you're strong. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. It will be hard, but you will persevere."

"I'm not Buffy."

"Why does that matter?"

"She's the slayer. She's naturally strong. If this was happening to her I bet she would be dealing with it better." Willow said.

Angel hated when Willow put herself down like that. "I'm sure she would be doing the same. You may not be the slayer, but you are strong."

"Do you really call strong giving in to a vampire and confining in him instead of best friends? I gave in to two vampires."

"You did." Angel admitted. "But that's understandable and forgivable."

"I slept with my best friend's ex-love of her life. How is that forgivable?"

"It is Willow. We aren't together anymore." Angel looked down and asked something he wasn't sure he should. "Willow, what happened last night, was that more to you than it was me?"

"No, Angel I don't love you. I mean I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

"At least we're on the same place on that subject."

"Only in our lives can the subject of sex be solved so easily. I guess we both gave in to some sort of weakness."

Angel could see this was going back to her strength and stopped her before she could go on more. "You're strong Willow. You've been fighting demons since high school. You helped destroy a Hell God and opened a portal with your blood. You gave up life for the good of others. I think that puts you up more as a hero." Angel grabbed her hand. "I didn't even get to the part of you being a powerful witch." He could see she was about to protest. "You asked me if you seemed off to me…different. You were right too, because I sense power coming off you that I never felt before. It's more powerful than anything I've felt in awhile. Maybe more so that Buffy."

"I can't even do a locator spell."

"When was the last time you tried?"

"A few months ago"

"None since"

"None"

"Why don't you try again?"

"Why, so I could pass out again?"

A knock on the interrupted them. As Angel got up to answer it he said, "If you won't even try again, then that is truly weak."

* * *

Angel, Gunn, and Fred went out to fight a demon leaving Willow behind to fix the computer. It turned out he had a simple virus on it. It barely took any time to fix it. Willow was about to make herself a sandwich when the three demon hunters came into the lobby. Angel quickly pulled Willow back into his office.

"I take it it didn't go well?"

"One of the demons got away." Angel closed the door. "I need your help."

Willow knew where this was going. "Angel I told you…"

"Please, you have to try. If you don't innocent people could get hurt."

Willow let out a defeated sigh. "Let's get going."

A half hour later Willow was staring at a blank map. Angel noticed her disappointed face. "What?"

"I didn't work. There's nothing on the map. That means it didn't work or the demon doesn't exist."

"Can not exist…mean dead?" Angel asked.

"It could, why?" Willow asked suspiciously

Angel smiled. "Demons dead, Willow…and look…" He indicated toward her. "You're standing and talking and not passing out. I think that's what you call improvement.

Willow wasn't smiling at Angel's confession. "You mean you lied to me? You said someone could get hurt." She pointed an angry finger at him. "I did a spell…" Willow paused. "I did a spell." She finally smiled. "Thank you Angel."

"No problem, Willow. Now go get your stuff. We're wasting moonlight."

TBC


	4. Pain

**Part 4**

**Pain**

"Are you sure you'll be okay being back again?" Willow asked for the hundredth time.

"I'm sure Willow. Everything is going to be ok."

"That's easy for you to say."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you didn't sleep with your best friends ex…or enemy/"

"I may not have slept with best friends ex, but I did sleep with my ex's best friend. Don't put it all on yourself. Besides, Buffy won't find out." Angel assured. "As for Spike, he won't say anything."

"How do you know? Spike can't be controlled." Willow said. "He's not some fledgling."

"Neither am I. I am more than a hundred years older than him, you know."

"I know."

"I can be persuasive when I want to be."

"Yeah, well I'm not worried about the part of him telling anyone."

"Then what are you worried about?"

"Nothing"

"Willow, I know he can be a little…overprotective, but I don't think he would ever hurt you. He knows what will happen to him if he did."

"He can hurt me, Angel." Willow said sadly. "It will be worse since you will be there."

"Are you afraid of him?" Angels hand tightened on the wheel. "Has he done anything…?"

"He's never done anything bad to me, but that's because I've never done anything bad to him."

"If he hasn't done anyting yet…"

"He doesn't have a soul like you." Willow argued. "I've read about him. He doesn't like things that are his taken away." She looked out the window. "You did the same thing with me that you did with Drusilla."

When Willow finished, Angels hands were so tight around the wheel it hurt. He knew she was right in some ways. He knew Spike would be pissed enough to hurt someone, but it wouldn't be Willow. He never took his anger out on Dru. He would fight with him or go out and start something.

Angel needed a break so he pulled the car over. "You're wrong."

"What was that?" Willow looked concerned. "Do you need me to drive?"

"Spike will be pissed off at both of us." He turned to Willow. "He will give us hell. But Willow, he won't hurt you. He never hurt Dru, so he won't hurt you. If he stuck around for you this long he must care about you in some way. He will probably take it out on me or some other demons. He will not harm you as. I promise you that. Understand?"

Willow nodded. "Thank you, Angel. I'm not afraid of Spike…I'm not afraid of him hurting me…I'm afraid that I wont stop him. A part of me seeks out the danger…the risk of death. And let's face it; he's the most dangerous vampire out there right now."

"I know you know the feeling of death because it hasn't left you yet. I know that you think you need pain to feel alive. I also know that he hasn't done anyting horrible to you. You know why? He wouldn't talk to you like you've described for one." Angel paused and stared at her in the eyes. "I also know that because if he really did hurt you, you wouldn't be afraid of him…you would be terrified of him. So answer again. Are you afraid of him?" Angel asked seriously.

After a moment Willow answered. "I'm weary of him at times, but never afraid." She paused. "No one can ever know; not about us or Spike and I. It would hurt them too much."

Angel smiled. "Always worrying about others; don't worry, they won't know. You should start to worry about yourself more." Angel said honestly.

"Just because I'm not completely happy doesn't mean they can't be."

"I know that one very well." Angel said sadly.

Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Angel, I was going to wait to tell you this because, well, I found it at a bad time. Dawn was just kidnapped and then you know." Angel nodded. "Well I was searching and I found something. I didn't get through it all because it's an old, almost gone, language." Willow was talking fast so she needed to take another breath. "From what I gathered from it in a short amount of time…it told how to restore your soul."

Angel was speechless. He kept opening and closing his mouth. The only thing he could get out was, "How?"

Willow was ready to answer. "The gypsy gave you your soul out of spite. She wanted you to suffer. The only way to take that away was for her to want it taken away. I don't know if there was a spell to do that or if it was only one way."

"What way, Willow?" Angel asked desperately

"She would have to want it. She would have to give herself willingly."

"And now she's dead."

"She is…but I'm not."

Angel's head shot up to Willow when realization dawned on him. "Willow"

"Congratulations Angel."

"Are you sure?"

"Almost, I gave you your soul through a curse. Then I gave myself to you. I didn't think about it until I did the locator spell. I'll show you what I have when we get back if you want."

"Wow"

"Yeah"

"If you ever need anything, you just need to call me. And I mean anything." Angel stressed

* * *

"Do you want me to take you home?" Angel as he drove into Sunnydale.

"Buffy said they would be at the Magic Box and to come there. Besides, my parents sold the house." Willow said sadly

"Aren't you living with Buffy?" Willow nodded. "That's what I meant. I think its okay to say you're living there."

"I guess…it's just weird to say."

"Willow, you are…"

"Turn here"

"What?"

"Turn, please?"

"Sure" he whispered when he heard her need

A few minutes later Angel recognized where Willow made him turn and pull over. Before he could say anything she jumped out of the car and began walking. He let out a sigh before getting out and following her. When he caught up with her she was standing in front of her grave staring at it.

"Its six feet deep, but when you climb out, without air, it seems like more. I was so cut up too. My hands didn't heel for weeks." She held up her hands. "All better now."

"I remember climbing out too, only I didn't need air. I'm sorry you had to go through it."

"It's okay." Willow walked by the lake and sat down. Angel joined her. "Spike was there to help. He said he went through it too."

Angel felt a little uncomfortable talk about Spike in anyway. But he understood Willows need for him. Spike is the only one in Sunnydale that has had an experience like her. "Can I ask how it started with the two of you?"

**4 Months Ago**

Spike and Willow were the first to arrive at the Magic Box. Surprisingly, it hadn't been touched. Not surprising, Willow was still unconscious. Spike quickly gathered her in his arms and carried her inside to the training room. He laid her on the couch and searched for some blankets but found none. He pulled off his duster and laid it across her. "Not for just anyone, pet." He mumbled. He then made sure there were weapons around, just incase the demons decided to attack now. Once everything was in place he kneeled down in front of Willow. "Willow, pet…" He said softly, "Come on Red, wake up. I know your there. I don't know how, but I know you're in there." When Willow didn't move Spike grabbed a chair and pulled it in front of the couch. He sat back and watched her.

Spike didn't move for the next twenty minutes. He would have stayed stone still too if Willow hadn't begun to move. He didn't know what to do so he just leaned forward in the chair. He didn't want to scare her. He watched as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Fear, confusion, and the realization all went through them in the matter of seconds.

Willow slowly sat up and looked at him. "Spike?" her voice was weak.

"Yeah, it's me…Spike." He assured her.

She continued to stare at him, but it seemed like she was looking straight through him. When she spoke again it was still soft. "It wasn't a dream, was it?"

"What wasn't a dream?"

"Death"

Spike knew he should comfort her as much as possible, but he also knew she needed the truth. "No, it was real, Willow."

Willow looked around. "We're at the Magic Box."

"Yes"

"Where are the others?"

"I don't know."

"Spike, how am I here?"

"I don't know, Willow. I found Har…Xander carrying you. I took you here."

"Oh"

"I think it was a spell." Spike offered

"Oh, by who" she questioned

"I don't know." Spike lied. He had a good idea who, but he wanted to make sure first. "Nobody really tells me anything."

"I'm sorry."

Spike smiled at her. "What for"

"I don't know. It just seemed like the right thing to say."

"Thank you, Willow." He paused but began again. "Willow…"Spike leaned forward and touched her hand, but Willow pulled it away with a gasp of pain. For the first time they both looked at her hands. "Oh Willow…" They were bloody and battered. "You had to climb out." He whispered. She tried to hide her hands, but Spike stopped her. "Let's get you cleaned up. We can't have you bleeding everywhere." He tried to joke lightly, but got no reaction. They headed to the bathroom where Spike wrapped Willows hands and cleaned her other cuts. He was finishing up when the front door opened and slammed shut. They both jumped at the intruder. "Wait here. I'm going to see who it is." Spike said calmly. On his way out to the front he grabbed a sword incase he need to fight.

"Hello" A British voice called out. "Is anyone else here?" Spike made his presence visible. "Oh, Spike, you startled me. Buffy is doing one last patrol before heading back here. Could you help me research theses demons?

"I have a theory."

Giles waited for him to continue. "Well, what is it?"

"A spell" Spike said leaning on the sword.

"What spell?"

"Don't play dumb Watcher. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about." Spike saw the confused look. "You don't know, do you?"

"Spike, stop with this talk and tell me what's going on." Giles said agitated.

"So you were out of the loop." Spike paused before saying, "Willow."

Giles stared at him. He didn't like Spike throwing her name out there. It was hard enough getting over Willow's death, he didn't need more reminders. He always thought of Willow as a daughter. It killed him to see her dead body. "What are you talking about?" Spike didn't say anything. He just used his head to indicate behind Giles. Giles slowly turned.

"He's talking about me."

"Oh dear lord…Willow"

"Hey Giles"

"Is it really you?" He slowly moved toward her and pulled her into a hug.

Spike watched them and was about to say something when the front door opened again. This time the rest of the gang entered. He watched the shocked expressions of Buffy, Xander, Anya, Dawn, and Tara fall to their faces.

Spike was the only one to hear Anya say, "It worked."

Dawn was the first to step forward. "It's really you. You're really here." Dawn ran up to her and hugged her. "I can't believe it."

Everybody else followed Dawn's actions with smiles on their faces. Silence fell over them, but Giles broke it. "Willow, is there anything you want…need?"

Everybody was ready and willing to do what Willow said. "I think I would like to go home and sleep. I'm really tired."

"Of course" Giles said.

"You can stay with me and Dawn." Buffy said.

"I would really like to go to my own house, please."

"Willow…" Buffy started, "…your parents, they sold it."

Buffy was ready to comfort her friend, but she didn't need to. "Oh" was all Willow said. "I guess I'll spend the night with you then."

* * *

Waking up the next morning, Willow felt like she was in a dream world. From waking up and going to the bathroom, she felt like she was watching herself. She stood staring at herself in the mirror checking for any changes. She couldn't find any. So why did she feel so different? She was back from the dead, but she still felt it. Willow was so confused. She didn't know who or what brought her back. She didn't know why she was back. She wasn't even sure if she was ready for the answers. After a few more minutes she splashed her face with water and then decided she need to know what was going on. She opened the bedroom door and already heard voices talking. She moved to the stairs so she could hear. She knew this was the only way she would get honest answers.

"…had to" A voice finished saying. Willow missed the first part.

"It was a dangerous thing to do. Somebody could have gotten hurt. Willow could have been hurt." A British voice, Giles, said.

"Giles," Buffy was talking. "We're fine. Willow is fine. She's just in shock."

"How do you know?" Spike asked. Everybody stared at him waiting for him to continue. "How do you know she's in shock? Have any of you dealt with this before? Spells go wrong all the time."

"Nobody asked for your opinion, Fangless." Xander snapped

"He's right, Xander." Giles said. "None of knows what is going to happen. We haven't dealt with this before."

"I've never even scene this." Anya said. "Other than vampires, nobody comes back from the dead."

"B-Buffy did, right?" Willow recognized the voice of Tara.

"Yeah, but she was dead two minutes. Willow was dead how long; three months?" Anya said. "We shouldn't have done this."

"We couldn't just leave her dead." Dawn said

"She's okay…she's normal." Xander said

"How do you know what normal is?!" Spike shouted. "Not one of you knows what it is like to climb out of a coffin. It's painful and it takes a long time and a lot of strength. In case you forgot, you left her in her grave doing the spell. You didn't even dig it up. There is no air down there." Spike finished.

"She's okay." Xander insisted

"We don't know what ok is." Giles said

"Spike and Giles are right." Anya said "We don't know what's going to happen. She's been back for less than twelve hours."

Giles turned to Tara. "What spell did you use?"

"I called Osirus. If I thought anything bad would happen, I never would have done it."

"Tara is strong." Buffy stuck up for her. "Willow even told me."

"It doesn't matter how strong you are, it was dangerous. That's black magic." Giles cleaned his glasses. "The spell should never have happened."

"Giles we couldn't leave her there!" Xander yelled

"Why the bloody hell not; Death is inevitable!" Giles yelled back

"She didn't die of natural causes." Buffy insisted angrily. She died closing a Hell portal. She could have been in Hell."

"Could have been, Buffy…could have been." Giles said sitting in the chair by the desk.

Nobody said anything. Willow thought this would be the time to make her presence known. She knew what she had to do. She slowly walked down the stairs and into the living room. Everyone stared at her. "I heard what was said. I just want to thank you for your concern. I know you all want what's best for me. I just wanted to tell you that…that I was in Hell. It was horrible."

"There's nothing to thank, Wills." Xander gave her a hug. "We would do it all over again."

"Are you hungry, Willow?" Dawn asked. "I'll make your favorite pancakes."

"That would be nice."

"Great! Do you want to help?"

"Actually, do you mind if I take a shower?"

"Go ahead Willow; we'll take care of it. I'll set some clothes on the bed for you" Buffy said.

As everybody headed to the kitchen Willow headed back upstairs. Nobody noticed Spike follow her. He stopped in front of her door. He didn't hear the shower so he knocked. He pushed it open when he didn't get answer. "Willow?" he asked when he saw her sitting on the bed staring at the wall. She didn't acknowledge his presence even when he sat down next to her and put his arm around her. "Everything is going to be okay." He said rubbing her arm.

She finally turned and looked at him. "I know…I'm alive."

**Present**

"I guess you could say that's when it started. He was so comforting at times. He could hold me and just be quiet. He would tell me how everything is going to turn out fine. He'd walk me home holding my hand." Willow let out a small laugh. "He would even let me wear his jacket. At other times he could seem like he didn't care at all. All he would want is to sleep with me. He would act like he needed me. Gone was the caring touch and in its place was an iron like grip on my wrist as he pushed me to the wall. But whatever he did, in the end, I felt better. He treated…treats me so…"

"Normal" Angel supplied

"While everyone treats me like I'm going to break, he just calls it as it is."

"Spike has always been honest."

"Anyway, we didn't start sleeping together until about two months later. It pretty much happened the same way it did with us."

"Are you trying to push Spike away?" Angel asked "I know it's not the same, but when I came back I didn't want help in some ways. I kept pushing Buffy away at first. Are you doing that with Spike?"

"I guess in some way I am. I don't get why he is like this."

"He cares about you. That's why."

"But why"

"Spike has always been different than the average vampire. He never lost the ability to care. If he cares about something, he will fight for it. If he hates something, he will change it with whatever means necessary."

"It seems like you like Spike more than you let on." Willow teased

"I don't like him. I do respect him though." Angel said sitting up a little straighter. "Never question the heart Willow. Spike never lost his ability to love."

"I hurt him."

"Yes, you did. Do you love him?" Angel asked standing

Willow looked up at him. "I don't know. I don't know if I love him, or if I need him."

He held his hand out and helped Willow up. "That's something you need to think about."

"Understand?" Buffy pressed

"Yes I understand. I won't do it again. I'll stop dating vampires. Can we drop this now?" Dawn huffed.

"Good, I just don't want you getting hurt." Buffy softened.

"I know. I was just trying to be like you." Dawn said snottily

Buffy was about to say something when Xander burst through the door with Anya slowly walking in behind him. "Is she here yet?"

"No, Xander…the same as when you called ten minutes ago." Buffy said slightly annoyed.

"Sorry, I'm just worried about her. It's almost midnight." Xander said sitting down at the table.

"Its okay, Angel's with her." Buffy assured him

"Yeah, the Great Poof will protect her." Spike smiled

"What?" Xander jumped up. "Do you think she's going to need protection?"

"Xander calm down. You're being foolish." Giles reprimanded

"I'm worried. I'm worried enough about her that I let her go to Angel. I'm sorry, but I don't like the guy. But he is the only one to ever come back from h…"

Xander couldn't say it, not when he was talking about Willow. "…to come back."

Anya could tell her fiancée was hurting so she sat next to him and rested her hand on his knee. "We know, Xander." She said comforting. "Willow will be fine. She's strong."

"I know she is. It's just sometimes I think about her now, and then I remember fifteen years ago. I remember her crying over a broken crayon. She cried so much over so little. It gave me purpose. It gave me purpose to being her friend. I could help her through anything. I did for the last six years. Now…now I can't help her. She has to go to Angel because for the first time, we are…"

"Growing" Spike said softly. He knew that he shouldn't say anything else.

"Yeah, we've finally grown apart. She's not my Willow anymore."

"She will always be your Willow, our Willow." Buffy said sitting down next to him. "She just went through something terrible and has to get back in the swing of things." Buffy smiled

"I guess your right." Xander said wanting to be done with the conversation.

Everybody nodded and started to retreat in to their thoughts. The truth was, was that everyone was anxious for Willow to return. They just hid it better.

Spike watched them all as they thought. His first thought was to be angry at them for thinking Willow was in Hell and pulling her out. They were able to bring her back, but not check where she was to begin with. Spike didn't believe that. On the other hand, he thought they didn't help her because they were too wrapped up in themselves. The reality of it was that they didn't know how to help her. Spike could understand that.

"She's only been gone a day Xander." Anya said quietly

"A lot can happen in a day." Xander said quietly

"Like Dawn falling for a vampire." Anya replied trying to lighten the mood.

"Hey!" Dawn said defensively

"What?" Anya asked innocently. "It happened. It happened to Buffy too."

"What happened that's the same as Buffy?" A voice asked from the door. Everybody turned to see Angel and Willow standing in the doorway.

"Willow!" Xander yelled and ran over to her pulling her into a hug. "I missed you."

"One day, Xander." Willow laughed.

Angel stepped aside as everyone greeted Willow. Everyone except for Spike came up. He turned to see Spike still by the table. He could here the growl come from deep inside Spike. He let out his own warning growl. Angel turned his attention back to the group when he knew Spike left out the back.

"So how is Dawn following in Buffy's footprints?"

"Vampire" was said in unison. Willow understood right away. They all got a laugh out of it while Dawn fumed

Angel was the first to stop his small laughter. "If you guys are done here, why don't I take you home?" He turned to Dawn. "You can ride in the front."

"It's a convertible." Willow smiled.

Dawn jumped up and down excited and rushed outside. The others followed shortly. Willow, Buffy, and Dawn went with Angel back to their house, while Giles gave Xander and Anya a ride home.

TBC


	5. Mine

**Part 5**

**Mine**

A little while later Angel returned to the Summer's house with the three girls. He stopped the car in front of the house and put it in park. Buffy and Willow got out of the back but Dawn stayed.

"So…it's a nice car."

"Yes" Angel said slowly. He knew she was getting somewhere. Buffy and Willow looked at each other.

"You're a nice guy." Dawn said

"Thank you"

"Do you know what nice guys do with nice cars?" Dawn asked smiling.

"They say to a nice girl that if she stays in school, stays out of trouble, and gets good grades, she may get it in a few years.

"Angel!" Buffy said surprised

"Really" Dawn squealed jumping up and down.

"Yeah, I'm going to need to upgrade in a few years and have no one else to give it to."

"Wow…I was just gonna ask you to take me on the highway."

Angel smiled. "Maybe some other time, it's getting late."

"Do you want to come inside, Angel?" Buffy asked quietly

"Yeah, we could catch up. Last time you were here we didn't get to catch up because of Will…" Dawn slowed down and stopped.

"Stay, Angel." Willow continued for Dawn. "I shouldn't be the only one to spend time with you."

"Well I guess I could. Who could turn down an invitation from three beautiful ladies?"

"What a gentleman." Buffy said

"I did live through the years of chivalry."

The group walked up to the front door, but Willow stopped Angel before they entered. "Can I ask you something?"

"Are you ok Will?" Buffy asked concerned

"Yeah, we'll be in in two minutes." Willow watched the two Summers walk into the house. Angel looked at Willow expectantly. "I have an ulterior motive for asking you to stay."

"I know, but he's not here. But Willow, you are going to have to talk him sooner or later."

"I know, just not now." Willow changed the subject. "I'm going to get the soul restoration spell…thing. I don't think it's really a spell. It's more of an answer to a question. What would you call that? A…"

"Willow" Angel laughed. "We did say two minutes."

"Sorry, just thinking out loud."

"See, your becoming you again."

"Thanks Angel" Angel was about to open the front door. "Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know yet. We have different lives now. What if it doesn't work out?"

"All the more reason to tell her"

"I guess it's our secret for the time being."

"Yeah, another secret." Willow looked down.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I've never been able to keep a secret before, now I'm keeping so many."

"You're not keeping many, only a few." Angel tried to make her feel better.

"Lets see; I wasn't in Hell, I slept with Spike, I slept with you, and I'm miserable." Willow counted on her fingers. "I guess that's not a lot, but they are pretty big."

"Well, the last one I think they know in some way."

"That's helpful." Willow glared at him.

"Sorry, but Willow…"

"You don't know what to say, do you?"

"No I don't." Angel said simply

"That's fine…neither do I."

* * *

Angel and Buffy were in the last cemetery for the night. They decided that Willow and Dawn would be okay on their own for a few hours. Angel wasn't sure if they should go at first, but Willow insisted that it was fine. She assured him that Spike wouldn't do anything with Dawn around.

Angel was surprised at how easily he and Buffy were getting along. There was no sign of tension between them. It reminded him of when they used to patrol together when he was still in Sunnydale.

"How is Willow doing, really?" Buffy asked

"She's dealing. She's not doing great, Buffy. I won't lie to you. She's not the same. I don't think she ever will be."

"Why not?

"She doesn't have all her strength back. It's coming back. She did a locator spell for me and was fine. But that was the first in a long time. She has to get used to it again. She's not a vampire, so it's completely different from me. Don't try to compare us."

"I know that Angel." Buffy said a little defensively. "Don't you think I know it's different? I know you came back from the dead…dead. I know she doesn't feel more alive than ever like I did." Buffy realized she sounded. "I'm sorry. You just made it sound like I wasn't trying to help."

"That wasn't my intention. You wanted the truth." Buffy looked down. Angel lifted her chin with his finger. "Hey, your doing all that you can. She will get through this. She just needs to get used to it again. The thing she is most worried about is not having her independence."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, she used to be a powerful witch, right?" Buffy nodded. "Now she has to start that over. What's more is that she has nothing. She doesn't have money or a house. Buffy, she can't talk to her parents because they think she's dead. Can you even imagine what that would be like? "

"I guess not. But why does she worry about money? She knows we're all here for her when she needs it. I never once told her to get a job."

"Can she get a job?" Angel prompted.

"No" Buffy said quietly. "No, she was dead."

"Like I said, she lost her independence. How would you feel if you had your strength, life, and family all taken away? Think about when you lost your mom. That's probably how Willow feels. Only, Willow's parents are out there, you probably have their number. She just can't talk to them."

"Willow really did lose everything."

"Yes, she did. Now she has to rebuild from nothing. You just need to be there for her."

* * *

Buffy and Angel were about to leave when Angel stopped and turned. "You can stop trailing us, Spike. I know your there." He sounded annoyed

When Spike was in view, Buffy said, "Spike, you know better than to hide in the shadows. If you don't jump out at me, how am I supposed to accidentally stake you?" She asked innocently

"Like you could even come close, Slayer" Spike tossed his cigarette to the side. "I see you're still the same, Peaches."

"The same as the last time we met." Angel shot him a warning glare.

"Just can't be to sure." Spike smirked. "We don't know what's been going on in the city of angels."

"You would be the first to know if I was evil, Spike."

"Yeah, I would smell it." Spike emphasized the word smell.

"Alright you two…" Buffy stepped in. She could feel the tension building every second. "Spike, what do you want?"

"Just to talk to my old grandsire"

"We should catch up." Angel agreed

Buffy was confused. She knew they weren't getting along, but they were not not getting along. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you head home. Tell Willow and Dawn I'll be back soon."

Buffy took one last look at Spike before turning to leave. Spike and Angel watched as the slayer left the cemetery. They stood side by side and waited until she was out of view. They were about to turn to each other when a voice interrupted them.

"You two help the slayer I see." Said a vampire

"Traitors" another one hissed

There were about ten others in the group. Spike and Angel were in no mood to fight the other vampires. They needed their energy to fight each other.

"Look, I have something to settle with Captain Hair Gel, here. So why don't you run along." Spike said dismissively.

"Peroxide Boys right" Angel said. "I don't like him, but you won't beat us."

"There are twelve against two." Obviously the leader laughed. "I'm twenty five years dead. You can't beat me alone, fledglings." The group began to advance on the two elder vamps. "You should just let us tear you apart." He snarled and then leaped for Angel.

Angel easily deflected him. He pushed him roughly to the ground. "Now I know I'm not the best vampire there is. But that's just because I have a soul."

"You have a soul?"

"Yeah, bloody poof." Spike said. "But please, leave us alone." Spike said in mock fear. "I can't take this now. I will be the one killing him."

"Yeah, or I'll stake him first." Angel said nonchalantly

"What's with you two? You don't get along, but you do."

"Yeah, that how it's been since he's been turned."

"That was about 130 years ago, mate." Spike smiled at the vampire's expression. "Yeah, we're old fledglings."

"I like the term master though." Angel said

'It's a good word." Spike agreed. "Tell me something. Have you ever heard the word 'no' or 'Ow, that hurt.'"

"It goes like this." Angel said grabbing the vampire.

They began to fight as the other vampire moved in the help their leader. Spike let out a sigh and joined in on the fight.

Spike and Angel both killed their last vampire at the same time. Angel was about to say something, when Spike punched him in his face knocking him back. "Here we go." Angel muttered

* * *

"Hey Buffy" Dawn said from the couch when Buffy entered the front door.

"Hey Buff." Willow said

"Hey you two" Buffy said. "Whatcha watching" She sat down with them.

"Some old movie" Dawn replied

"Where's Angel?" Willow asked when Angel didn't show up.

"He didn't leave, did he?" Dawn asked worriedly

"No, we just met up with Spike in the cemetery. They said they need to talk about something." Buffy said dismissively.

"And you left them…alone." Willow tried to keep her voice even.

"Will, you didn't feel the tension rising between them. I didn't want to be on their bad sides…soul or chip included."

"Oh…I guess your right." Willow said calmly, but on the inside she was anything but calm. She needed to find a way to get to the cemetery alone…and quick. She must have had luck on her side because Dawn stood up.

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm really tired."

"Alright, I put some new sheets in your room." Buffy said.

"Thanks, night guys." Dawn headed up the stairs.

"Night!" they both called

Dawn came back down the stairs. "Wake me when Angel leaves ok?"

Buffy smiled. "He's staying the night…and day. He needed a book so I told him he could look through the Magic Box tomorrow."

"Ok good." Dawn hurried back up the stairs. Buffy and Willow smiled as she went up.

A few minutes later Buffy let out a yawn. Willow saw her chance. "Why don't you head up too? You look tired."

"I am, I just want to make sure Angels okay. I don't think him and Spike are talking as much as fighting…with fists."

'You're right there.' Willow thought. "I'll wait up. I'm not tired yet."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, besides I was thinking about taking a walk."

"Alone?"

"I'll be fine."

"Willow..."

"Buffy, please…" Willow hated lying to Buffy, even if it was partly the truth. "I need some time to myself. I love you…but I need my space."

"Oh." Buffy sounded hurt.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound so mean." She hurried to say.

"It's okay Willow. You do need your space."

"Buffy…God this sounds like we're dating…What I mean is that there's so much going on in my head. I just need to work it out on my own. I don't want to burden you with nothing."

"You could never, ever, be a burden, Willow."

"That's what I mean. You can tell me that a million times, but I need to make myself believe that."

Buffy nodded her understanding. "I get it, I do. But Willow, I will never think of you as a burden. You're my best friend. When you were gone, I didn't have anyone. Dawn and Anya can't replace you." Buffy hugged Willow.

"Thanks" Willow whispered

Buffy smiled as she pulled away. "Tomorrow, we're going to get on the computer and find a way to get certified to go to school or have a job. Then, we're going to get you accepted or hired; whichever you want."

"How much did Angel tell you?"

"Enough…he made me see that you have to rebuild. I guess I always knew that, I just didn't want to accept it."

"It is hard. But it's good that I have you here with me."

Buffy smiled then stood from the couch. She walked over to the weapons chest. "Take this stake." She handed it to Willow. "Don't stay out to late either." Buffy pointed her finger at Willow in a mom like manner.

Willow smiled as Buffy headed up the stairs. She waited a few minutes before jumping off the couch and running to the cemetery as fast as possible.

* * *

"She's mine!" Spike yelled throwing Angel into a headstone.

Angel quickly jumped up. "Okay, now I'm mad. That actually hurt." Angel threw his own punch. "She's not yours." Punch "She's not a thing!" Duck

"She is mine!" Punch "I was with her first!" Swing "How could you!?" Kick. "We're not friends…" Twist arm "…but we're not enemies!" Duck

"It happened." Kick. "You know…" Round Kick "…pain and suffering." Punch "We connected." Angel fell to the ground. "It meant nothing." He pulled Spike's legs out from under him so they were both on the ground.

"Is that what you told her?" Spike snapped

"Pretty much…right after she said it to me."

"Really"

"Yeah" Angel said standing. He held out his hand to help Spike up.

Spike reached out to take the hand offered. But instead of pulling himself up, he pulled Angel down and kicked him. "Did you think that would work!? You did and said the same with Drusilla!"

Spike was about to kick again, but Angel caught his foot and twisted it. "That was a cheap shot."

The fighting resumed.

* * *

Willow stopped running when she saw the fighting forms of Spike and Angel. She was about to run to stop them, but someone grabbed her arm.

"Quite a show isn't it?" the vampire leered.

"Yeah, I was going to get better seats." Willow tried to pull away.

"I don't think so, Red. There's a better show here." His grip tightened

"You better let go or…or they're gonna come over here and kick your ass." Willow tried to sound more confident than she felt.

"I think that they're a little…distracted at the moment. Besides, they wouldn't be able to fight us all off." Willow finally realized that there were more vamps around. "So Red, are you ready to scream?"

"Not yet." Willow said. She punched the vampire with her free hand before reaching for her stake. She wasn't quick enough though. The vamp saw the stake and quickly knocked it out of her hand. "Okay, now I'm ready."

Spike and Angel immediately stopped fighting when they heard the scream. They both turned to where it came from and saw Willow being held by a vampire. They both dashed over. They were stopped by a blockade of vampire before they could even get to Willow.

"What's with traveling in groups?" Spike asked looking around. "Are you not strong enough to get a human without help?"

"I like to be surrounded so I always know what's going on." The vampire acted like he was important. "Every master needs his minions."

"They're out tonight." Angel muttered.

"You got that right." He looked the vampire up and down. "Are you sure you're a master and not a minion."

"I assure you…I am powerful."

"Uh-huh…sure" Angel and Spike weren't impressed.

The vampire tightened his arms around Willows waist and let his fingers roam just under her shirt. "Are you convinced yet?"

"Let her go." Angel said dangerously. He could hear the growl coming from Spike and he knew that growl. Things were going to get messy.

"Uh-no" The vampire stopped his hand from rubbing Willow, but it still rested on her skin. "How about we make a deal; you fight my friends, and I take red with me for a little fun. She is pretty cute."

Spikes face turned to its demon form as he rushed the vampire holding Willow, but he was thrown to the ground. Angel saw Willow being taken away and started fighting toward the direction they were fighting. In less than three minutes Spike and Angel had all the vamps killed. They ran after Willow.

"Let me go!" Willow yelled

"You sure do have some fire in you." The vamp said as he threw Willow to the ground.

"They will get you and kill you."

"They're a bit preoccupied at the moment. We should be done by the time they are."

"I wouldn't be to sure about that, mate"

The vampire spun around to see Spike and Angel glaring at him. "She's mine." He grabbed Willow and put one arm around her waist and the other hand around her neck.

"My god, are all vampires this possessive?" Willow asked

"Why don't you smell her, mate? Does she smell familiar?" The vampire looked confused. "She smells like us, you git!"

"Are you two enemies or friends?" The vampire asked. "Cuz' this is really confusing me."

"Join the club." Willow murmured

"We're not friends…"

"But we're not enemies."

"Frienemies" willow supplied

"Sure…what she said." Angel said. "Now let her go!"

"No…but I'll make a deal with you. You go away, and I'll keep her alive for a little longer than I planned."

"How about this deal…" Spike said moving forward. "You give us the girl, and then we kill you."

"I decline."

"Well your other choice is I kill you, and then we take the girl. Whatever way you like we can do." Angel said moving forward as well.

"I decline that proposition too."

"Quit talking like that you Nancy boy." Spike sounded offended. "You're not British nor are you from that time period."

"Neither are you!"

"Think again."

"We both are. Only he's British and I'm Irish."

Willow realized that as the three vampires talked, the one holding her was loosening his grip. She watched as the friendlier vampires slowly moved forward. She decided to take a chance and elbow the one holding her. It worked because as the vampire doubled over in pain; Spike pulled her away as Angel quickly snapped his neck.

Willow let out a breath when it was over. "Thanks" she tried to move from Spike, but he didn't let her go. "Spike…"

"We need to talk."

"Let he go, Spike." Angel stepped closer

Spike stepped back pulling Willow with him. "I don't want to fight you anymore, Poof. I want to work this out…with Willow." Willow was shocked to hear her name come from Spike.

"It seems like she doesn't want to talk to you."

"She doesn't know what she wants."

"She is still here." Willow said annoyed.

"We need to talk." Spike said looking into her eyes.

Willow finally relented. "Fine"

"Willow…"

"Its okay, Angel; we're just going to talk."

"If you're not back before sunrise, I'm coming to get you. I don't want to lie to Buffy."

"You won't have to." Willow assured

"Yeah, dad, I'll have her home at a reasonable hour." Spike said sarcastically. Angel quickly lunged at Spike and pushed him against a wall.

"Angel!" Willow screamed

"If you hurt her, or anyone else, I swear…"

Spike pushed him off. "I get it. I'll walk her home so no bads get her."

"Spike I'm warning you…"

"Angel, its okay" Willow put her hand on his arm. "I'll be fine."

Spike growled and pulled Willow away from Angel. "Let's talk. We want you home before sunrise."

Spike waited for Angel to leave before roughly pushing Willow against the wall. "I should be a bloody actor." He murmured against her neck, letting his fangs tickle her pulse.

Willows fear was building up in her. "Spike…" she didn't know what to say. She could feel and hear the anger coming off him in waves.

"Shut up." He said gruffly as he pulled her from the wall and into the crypt. It was the first time she realized they were by his crypt.

TBC…


	6. Different

**Part 6**

**Different**

Spike pushed Willow into his crypt before him and slammed the door shut. Willow caught herself before falling to the ground. He walked toward her making her move aside in fear. Instead of acknowledging her, Spike went to a shelf that held bottles of liquor. Some were full, some were half full, and some were empty. Willow watched as he opened a full bottle and drank from it. It seemed like he forgot that she was there. She slowly began inching towards the door as she watched him. She was close enough to the door so she turned to open it. Her hand was almost on the handle when a bottle flew past her head and shattered against the wall. Willow jumped back and screamed in surprise. She turned to look at Spike. He had his hands rested on the stone ledge and head bent. Willow heard him say something, but it was mumbled and not understood.

"What"

"Why!" He shouted and Willow jumped again. "Do you really hate me that much? Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Spike watched as Willow moved back as he moved forward. He gave her a predatory smile. His demon was enjoying her fear. "Of course you knew." He said slowly. "I told you he would know about us, so why wouldn't I know about you two?" He took another step closer and Willow hit the wall. "No where to run, Red" Spike said lowly. He bent down and picked up a broken piece of glass then began moving it between his fingers. "What's wrong? Are you scared?" he taunted

Willow took her eyes off the glass and looked at Spike in the eyes for the first time that night. She tried build up some courage. "Spike, don't…"

In a second Spike was in her face. One hand was resting on the wall next to her head while the other with the glass was on her neck. "You are in no position to tell me what to and what not to do." He moved the glass over her skin, but didn't draw blood. He leaned in so his lips were by her ear. "Your Angel said not to hurt you or he would hurt me." He trailed the glass down her arm and to her stomach. His hand slipped under her shirt and rested the glass on her flesh. He could feel her shiver and shake from the cold and fear. "But what he can't see won't hurt me." He pushed the glass a little harder, but still didn't draw blood. He heard the gasp escape her lips "Remember…remember the last time a broken bottle came between us?" He whispered almost tenderly. "I wanted you to do that love spell for me." He smiled against her neck. "You're still on the receiving end of the bottle, but for different reasons. You were so different then; so strong…so pure and innocent." He pulled back and looked in her eyes. "Now look at you. You're weak. You're nothing now." He spat

Willow gathered all the strength she had and pushed Spike away from her. She pushed him with enough force that he fell to the floor. "Stop it, Spike! It just happened. I don't know why, it just did!" she yelled

Spike stood and threw the glass aside. "I didn't just happen! He didn't just fall on you then slip in on accident!"

"No, he didn't, but it's not like I thought about it before it happened!" She tried to defend herself.

"Well that just makes it all bloody better then!" Spike threw his hands in the air. "Are you really that unhappy? Are you bored? Do you use me to take the memories away? Maybe I should tell your little friends what's been going on. I'll tell them everything!" He grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her closer. "Maybe they'll stake me. Would that make you happy?" He could feel her struggle, but that only made him tighten his grip. "Answer me." He yelled as he shook her.

"I am miserable Spike! Where have you been for the last four months?"

"I've been in your bed for the last two. I guess I got confused considering I had you screaming my name." He threw her hands down. "Did he make you scream like I did?"

Before she could stop herself Willow began to yell. "Yes! Yes he did. Over and over and…" She was forced to stop and Spike pushed her quickly against the wall, knocking her breath out of her lungs. Her eyes widened in fear as he brought his arm back.

Spike had never felt this angry before. He never lost control like this. But now, with his arm pulled back, he was truly afraid of himself. As much as he hated Willow at the moment, he couldn't do it. He couldn't hurt her.

"Get out" he said lowering his arm.

"Spike…"

"Get out!"

Willow took one last look at him then ran out of the crypt.

Spike didn't even watch her go. He moved over to his liquor bottles and picked it up. He drank nearly half of it before sliding down the wall.

* * *

Angel was sitting on the front steps when Willow got home. He stood. "I was getting worried." He walked toward her. "It's almost sunrise." He saw the look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"It's done."

"What is?"

"Whatever Spike and I had" Willow walked past Angel and into the house.

* * *

The next afternoon everyone, except Spike, was at the Magic Box. Buffy was teaching Dawn some more self defense, Anya was helping some customers, Xander was doing some paperwork for work, and Giles and Angel were looking through some books.

Willow was sitting at the table reading a magazine that Dawn had. She really didn't care about this months latest fashion trend, but she needed to clear her head. She was didn't know what to make of her and Spike. Did they break up? Were they really going out? She cared about Spike in some way, but she couldn't recognize if it was love or not. She had one love in her life and it was in high school. That's not much too base knowing love.

The rest of the afternoon remained the same. The only difference was that Giles was helping Buffy train and Dawn was doing homework. Willow looked up by the books and saw Angel still looking at them. She headed up the ladder.

"Hey, how's it going up here?"

"Hey, it's good. How are the latest fashion trends going down there? Am I violating anything?" He looked down at his clothes.

"So you saw my choice in reading." Angel smirked. "I just needed something brainless to look at. You know, clear my mind."

"That bad with Spike"

"You could say that."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"I don't know what I would have you talk to him about." Willow admitted. "I don't even know what we had."

"A dysfunctional relationship" Angel offered.

"Yeah and with an emphasis on the dysfunctional" Willow looked around at the books and the stack next to Angel. "Do you need help with anything?" Willow changed the subject.

"No, I think I have everything. If you ever need anything on portals, the new library's at my place." He tried to joke, but failed.

"You will get him back, Angel." Willow leaned forward and placed her hand on his knee. "I know you will."

"Thanks Willow, that means a lot." He placed his hand on top of hers.

"No it doesn't. It's just good to hear, right?" Willow said knowingly

"Yeah, I guess I can't get any of my lazy answers past you anymore."

"No more than I can you."

"Well, it's the thought that counts anyway." Angel said solemnly.

"Did you tell anyone else?" Willow queried.

"I told Buffy earlier today. She was shocked to say the least; a little upset that it was Darla. But she was supportive."

"Did you tell her anything else?"

"I did. I told her that I may have found a way to anchor my soul. I said that I wanted to look up on it first."

"You don't trust my translation skills?" Willow said in mock hurt.

"Not when you didn't translate everything."

"Sorry."

"Don't be, you've done so much already. You really couldn't do anymore." Angel assured now resting his hand on her knee. "Anyway, you were a little…pre-occupied."

"Just a little" Willow used her hand to push some of her hair behind her ear. She watched Angel's eyes go to her hand then his hand grabbed it gently. "It's nothing." She tried to dismiss

"He hurt you." Angel moved her sleeves to look for more bruises. "Are there anymore anywhere else?"

"No"

"Willow…"

"There isn't anymore Angel." Willow said irritated and pulled her arms away from him.

"I'm sorry. It's just…"

"Angel!" Giles called up. "There's a Fred on the phone for you. She wants to know when you will be back."

Willow took her chance to end their talk. "I'll put the books in your car."

* * *

Willow just put the books in the car and turned around. She jumped when she came face to face with Spike.

"Spike" She squeaked

"Evening, Witch" He said bitterly "Getting ready to see Lover boy off?" He question snidely

"Uh, yeah…he should be leaving in a few minutes." Willow was about to head inside when she turned back to Spike. "You might want to stay out of his way. He saw my wrists."

"Watcher asked me to come by. He said there's a demon that needs to be put down. What's wrong with your wrists?

Willow held up her arm and pulled the sleeve back. "What he can see, will hurt you." She thought she saw regret pass through Spike's eyes, but if she did it was quickly gone. "Like I said, he might be mad."

"Thanks for the warning, but I can take care of myself." He snapped

"I know" Willow whispered.

Spike watched Willow walk inside before calling out. "Are you going to hide in the alleyway all night, Peaches?" Spike took a defensive stance when Angel sauntered out. He was surprised when he kept his distance.

"I would pulverize you if I didn't think it would hurt her."

"She couldn't care less." Spike waved off

"She's confused."

"Boo-bloody-who; so am I. I fell for a human."

"Yes, but she fell for a vampire after coming back from the dead." Angel pointed out. "She's more miserable now than she was a day ago."

"She was in your bed a day ago."

"Two days ago then"

"And I should care why?" Spike asked like Angel was crazy

"Because she needs your help"

"She made it clear she doesn't want my help."

"She may not want it, but she does need it." Angel walked next to him and put a hand on Spikes shoulder. Spike watched him skeptically. "She's going to break soon if she doesn't get the right help." Angel squeezed Spikes shoulder then quickly brought his other arm back and punched him in the stomach. When Spike doubled over in pain, he leaned down to his ear. "What she can't see won't hurt her." Angel then started to walk inside. "We're just friends…nothing more."

* * *

Spike stood leaning against the Magic Box door with a cigarette in his hand watching as everyone else said their goodbyes to Angel. He watched as Angel said something to Dawn making her jump up and down with a smile on her face. He watched the appreciative looks on Giles and Xander's faces as they shook hands. They would probably feel different if they knew what really happened in LA. Spike, along with the two parties involved, was surprised at the hug from Anya.

Now it came down to the last two of the group. Usually you would save the best for last. But now, which was the best? Willow was the one to step forward first. Spike barely realized that he growled when they touched. She gave Angel a hug and whispered something in his ear. Angel then whispered something back. Spike could probably guess at the thanks and promises made. They both had smiles on their faces when they pulled away.

The group then moved back a little as Buffy came forward. Always back to those two. Some things never change. Spike could see some tears falling down the slayer's face. She gently ran her hands over Angel's face. Angel then cupped her chin with his fingers and lifted it. The kiss was short and sweet, but it said a lot. Spike growled again. He hated Angel at the moment.

Angel pulled away and said his final goodbye to everyone. He walked around to the driver's side of the car and opened the door. Before he got in, he looked at Spike. Spike stood up a little straighter. Angel just nodded his head at him. Spike did the same as relaxed against the wall again.

* * *

"Spike" Buffy called when Angel's car was out of view. "Are you ready?"

Spike pushed himself off the wall and threw the cigarette down. "Yeah, don't worry, I'll protect you slayer." He remarked

Buffy turned to Dawn. "I want you inside. Giles said he would help if you needed help with your homework."

"Uh-huh" Dawn replied lazily

"And I want you in bed at a reasonable hour. It's a school night. Can you give her a ride home, Giles?"

"Yes, of course. Why don't we head in now?" Giles turned to Willow. "Are you staying also?"

"Uh, I was actually going to see someone. I wanted to ask someone a question." Willow explained vaguely.

"Is everything okay?" Buffy asked

"Yeah, I just…I wanted to talk."

"Oh, Okay, do you want Spike and I to walk you over?"

Willow took a glance at Spike. She saw him looking at her. "No, you have a demon to slay. I'll be fine. I should probably head over now before it gets late."

"Willow!" Xander called. Willow turned back to face him. "Anya and I will be at the Bronze, join us when you're done."

Willow nodded her head then starting walking.

* * *

Willow knocked nervously on the dorm room door. She hadn't spoken with Tara since she came back. Now she was showing up unexpectedly to talk about coming back. The door opened

"Wi-willow…hello" Tara said nervously. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah…"

"Baby, who's at the door" Another girl came to the door. "Oh, hello"

"Willow this is Molly, Molly this is Willow."

"Hello." Molly said

"Hello." Willow replied. "You have company. I'll come back another time."

"No need, I'm always here." Molly said smiling

"Oh…Oh" Willow exclaimed finally getting it. "I don't want to interrupt."

"Come in Willow." Molly said. "You're the one Tara brought back, right?"

"Uh, yeah; I hope that's not a rumor floating around campus." Willow tried to joke. "I used to have a good reputation here. Now I'm avoiding everyone who I think would know me. Don't want to be called out on supposed to be dead."

"How…how are you doing?" Tara asked handing Willow a cup of tea.

"I'm okay. That's actually why I'm here. I wanted to ask you something." Willow waited for the go ahead. "I don't mean to be mean, but could the spell you did have side effects. Could it have been done wrong?" She asked quietly

"No!" Tara exclaimed. "I know nothing was done wrong. If I thought I couldn't do it I wouldn't have."

"I know, but could there be unexpected troubles?" Willow pushed

"Tara is a powerful witch." Molly defended her girlfriend. "If she says it was done right then it was."

"Magic always has side effects. Any witch knows that." Willow said to Molly defensively. "I'm just asking if…if I could have been brought wrong."

Molly was about to say something when Tara cut her off. "What are you getting at, Willow. Are you asking if I brought you back and did the spell wrong, or was the spell right and you're wrong?"

"The second one" Willow said quietly

"No" Tara stated. "You are right. There's nothing wrong with you. Why would you think that?"

"Because since I came back I feel…I feel…I feel nothing. I barely register pain. I'm always putting on fake smiles to appease my friends. If I laugh it's forced. The only time I ever feel anything is when I've slept with vamp…" Willow stopped herself mid word.

"Excuse me?" Molly said. "Were you going to say vampire?"

"How do you know about witches and vampires?" Willow asked

"I'm a witch." She answered easily. "Now answer my question."

"I have to go." Willow said standing. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Willow, wait." Tara tried to stop her

"I have to go. I'm sorry for coming over unannounced." Willow walked out the door and closed it behind her.

"You could have been nicer to her." Tara said to Molly.

"She was getting pushy with you."

"She came back from the dead. She has reason…unlike you."

* * *

Willow was walking home when she remembered Xander's invitation to the Bronze. As much as she didn't want to be the third wheel, she didn't want to be alone.

When Willow got there she looked for Xander and Anya. She guessed they were out on the dance floor because she couldn't find them. Since she couldn't find them she headed over to the bar. She was wallowing in her own self pity and nursing a drink when a male voice spoke from next to her.

"Is this seat taken?"

"No" She berated herself for not saying no. She didn't want company.

The man sat down next to her. "You're powerful." He stated

Willow lowered her head and gave a small laugh. "Is that some new pickup line?"

"Does it work?"

"No"

"Not even on a witch?" They locked eyes after he said that. He knew he had her. He stood up and took place behind her. He rested his hands on her shoulder. He leaned down to her ear. "I'll be out back."

"Who are you?" Willow asked quickly turning.

"I'll be out back."

Willow was intrigued. She knew she shouldn't follow him, but she wanted to know how he knew about her. She got up and went out to the alley.

When she got out there she saw him sitting on an old crate. "Rack" he stated, standing up.

"What?" Willow asked confused

"You wanted to know who I was. I'm Rack."

"Oh…how did you…"

"I can feel the power radiating from you. It's burning to get out."

"Uh-huh…look I think your magic radar is off. I don't possess that kind of power." Willow turned to walk back inside, but he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. "I think I know myself better than you." She insisted.

"I beg to differ." He stepped closer. Willow didn't like the way he was looking at her. "I can help you." Willow moved back a step as he moved forward, but she hit the wall. "Your power is begging to be released." He held a hand over her chest. "I can feel it pulsating."

Willow was lost in his eyes and voice. She couldn't turn away. The way he spoke, the way he looked at her, it was mesmerizing. "What do you want?"

He let his hand rest on her chest. "Just a little…tour." He murmured before Willow felt something strong surge through her body.

TBC…


	7. High

**Part 7**

**High**

Spike was on the way back to his crypt when he heard a female giggle from a nearby alley. It sounded familiar so he moved towards it. What he saw almost made him fall over. Willow was hanging all over a guy. She'd giggle and smile every time he touched or kissed her. He was about to walk away, but he couldn't shake the feeling that the girl was off.

Spike wanted to walk away. He wanted to not care. Willow hurt him and he shouldn't. She didn't care about him. He finally had enough when the guy started touching too much and pushed Willow against the wall. Spike quickly strode over and tapped the guy on the shoulder.

"What do you want?" the guy snapped

"Spikey!" Willow cried happily

"Why don't you get out of here, mate. The girl is obviously drunk or something." Spike tried to seem not to care.

"Uh-no, but you can." The guy said sarcastically

"Be nice to Spike, Kevin. I like him." Willow smiled

"Its Devin and I don't care." The guy went back to Willow and she giggled happily. Spike tapped the guy on the shoulder again. "Look, if you don't go…" He stopped when he turned and came face to face with a vamped out Spike.

"You will be the one leaving." Spike growled. Devin looked between Willow and Spike before running out the alley. "So much for chivalry" Spike muttered.

"Why did you do that?" Willow pouted. "We were gonna have some fun."

"Yeah, well, you would have been having less fun if I was a different vampire." Spike watched Willow as she started to sway. She still had a smile and a dazed look in her eyes though. At first Spike thought she was drunk, but now he doubted that. Her scent was different…off even. Before he could get further in his thoughts, Willow spoke.

"He helped me." Willow pointed to a garbage can. "Watch" Spike watched as the garbage can floated in the air then came back down. "All it took was a little tour and then Poof, my magic's back." Willow smiled proudly

Spike was about to question her, but she started swaying dangerously. "Pet, are you okay?"

Willow looked at him confused. "Spike" Her voice finally came back to its normal level. It wasn't so high and far away now. Willows eyes widened in fear right as she fell forward into Spike's arms.

"Bloody hell" he murmured as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the Summer's house. He was barely in front of the house when Buffy, Giles, and Xander ran over to him.

"What the hell happened to her?" Xander cried

"Is she alright?" Buffy asked frantically

"Let's get her inside." Giles said moving the two over so Spike could carry Willow in. "Bring her to her room." He instructed Spike.

Spike laid Willow down in her bed after Giles moved the blankets back. Giles pulled the blankets back up then looked at Spike expectantly.

"I found her in an alleyway near the Bronze playing nice with some guy.

Oh my God, did he touch her?" Xander looked horrified.

"No, she was enjoying it. I'm pretty sure they didn't get any further than kissing, but they were close to it. That's beside the point though."

"That is the point." Xander said. "She was in an alley with some guy. She hasn't been seeing anyone."

"And how would you know?" Spike snapped

"She would say something."

"Uh-huh…she's changed Zapper, she tells you less than you think."

"And what, she tells you everything?"

"That's enough." Giles stepping in. "Spike, what you think the point is?"

"At first I thought she was drunk, but she hasn't had any. I'm sure you could smell that too. But she got her magic back some more. After making a garbage can float she said that he helped her." Spike explained.

"The guy" Buffy asked

"I don't think so. She said it took was a little tour and her magic was back."

"What do you think that means?"

"I've heard that before." Spike looked down. "I've seen witches and others go to this guy named Rack…"

"Rack" Giles head shot up. "You can't be serious."

"That's what he says. I'm not absolutely sure about it, but that's my best guess. He does frequent the Bronze though."

"She wouldn't do that." Giles insisted. "Those are junkies that go to him…people who are desperate."

"And she's not?" Spike said.

Giles was about to say something when Buffy spoke. "Who's Rack?"

"A drug dealer, only with magic instead of coke"

"Willow could never, ever, do that! It's just not her." Xander exclaimed.

"How well do you know her?" Spike question loudly. "Have any of you stopped to look at her. She's not the same! She's miserable. Sure, Angel helped her, but he didn't cure her. She's back from the dead and barely made any improvement. Look at her, she's thinner than ever. There are circles under her eyes and everything she seems happy about is forced." Spike looked around at the people in the room. "Am I the only one who's noticed this?"

"You're wrong." Xander insisted

"No he's not." Buffy said quietly

"What?"

"She has to rebuild everything, Xander. I think we've been trying to do everything we can to help her, but in the end we missed what she really needs."

"What's that?" Giles asked

"She needs her friends to talk to her, to take her out, to not treat her like she's going to break." Buffy said sitting next to Willow and holding her hand. "She's not the same as she was last year. She may never be." Buffy said with tears in her eyes.

* * *

Willow opened her eyes and was hit with a pounding headache. She rubbed her eyes and groaned a little. Her memory was hazy. She was grateful that the shades were closed at least.

"Good morning!" the unusual chip voice of Spike said loudly. Willow groaned some more. "I brought you some breakfast." He said quietly. He held a glass of water and two aspirin in front of her.

"Thank you" Willow said taking the offered relief. "Why are you here? Its morning, isn't it?"

"Yeah, the sun came up about twenty minutes ago." Spike sat on the end of her bed. "Why did you do it?"

"Why did you go to Rack?" Willow looked at him surprised. "You're not the first I've known to go to him. I can figure out the signs."

"What are the signs?" Willow snapped. She didn't mean to, but it just slipped out.

"Like a witch acting drunk and hanging on some guy she probably doesn't even know or remember." Spike snapped back. "So why did you go to him?"

"I didn't."

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't. I met him in the Bronze and he knew I was a witch. I followed him outback. Before I knew it he touched me and sent this weird feeling through me."

"He dosed you." Spike said simply

"What does that mean?"

"It means you should never go to him again." Giles said walking into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, what's so bad about this guy?"

"Short version…" Spike said. "He gets his power from draining others. He gives them a feeling that they gained something, but they actually have less than they did before seeing him. You said he gave you your magic back, but he actually took more from you."

"I did magic?" Willow questioned

"Yeah, I saw you lift a garbage can."

"Its in you Willow, you don't need him to let it out." Giles said quietly

"If you go back to him again, you will get hooked. He will get more power, because lets face it, you are powerful." Spike looked straight in her eyes to prove he was serious. "If you get hooked you…you will die."

* * *

The gang was at the Magic Box later that night researching the latest big bad to inhabit Sunnydale. Buffy closed one book and picked up another with a loud sigh. Before beginning to read the next book she stole a glance at Willow on the computer. To someone who didn't know Willow, they would say she was fine. But now that Buffy really looked at her, she could definitely see something was different. She thought back to the last few months and realized some things. Willow barely babbles anymore. She barely talks like she used to. She's more introverted now. She spends more time away from the group on her own too. Buffy realized that Willow would come home at odd hours of the night. When she would question Willow about it, the answer she received was she was on a walk and got sidetracked by something.

The thing that bothered Buffy the most was that Willow was getting closer to Spike. Buffy brushed it off at first, but now, thinking back, she could remember all the looks and thought to be secret touches between the two. It happened often, and she wanted to talk to Willow about it, but didn't know if she should or if she should just let it be. Besides, Spike couldn't hurt her. Buffy was brought out of her thoughts by Xander's complaints.

"I agree with Xander." Anya whined. "We don't need to research anymore, do we Giles?"

Giles took his glasses off. "Well, I guess that's enough for tonight. You guys go have fun, and I'll close up." Giles offered.

"Thanks G-man." Xander said standing. "So what's the plan?"

"We could go to the Bronze." Anya offered

"Anya…" Xander said quietly

"It's okay Xander." Willow said standing. "You guys go and have fun. I think I'll head home."

"No way Wills." Buffy broke in. "You're long overdue for a night out with your friends. You are coming with." Buffy demanded.

"Buffy…" Willow tried.

"No" Buffy said. "I will not take no for an answer young lady. You're coming even if I have to drag you."

"Yeah, come on Willow." Anya said. "That guy won't come around if we're there. He's not stupid."

Willow let out a sigh and smiled. "Alright, since you put it that way."

The group of four walked out of the Magic Box. Buffy and Giles shared a look before Buffy walked out the door. They could both see the forced smile and enthusiasm from Willow.

* * *

Willow sat down at the table with a smile on her face. She was surprised at how much fun she had dancing with her friends. She needed a drink so she was just going to take a little break then head back out. She smiled and waved when she saw Tara head towards her.

"Hi-hi Willow" Tara said

"Hey, Tara…what's up?" Willow said happily

"Nothing really, I'm just here with Molly. She went to the bathroom. How are you doing…honestly?" Tara sat in an empty chair. "You looked like you were having fun with your friends." She observed

"I was. It was the first in a long time." Willow smiled

"That's good. So you are doing better?"

"Yeah, I guess it is slowly getting better." Even though Willow didn't completely mean it, she said it anyway. It was sort of true.

"That's good. You know I'm always here if you need me. I can imagine how different it must be being back. But just remember you are normal. There is nothing wrong with you." Tara rested her hand on Willow's.

"I don't think Molly would like this very much." Willow said

"Molly is a little overprotective. But she's nicer once you get to know her."

"I know how that goes." Willow said quietly

"Do you have a boyfriend like that?" Tara asked interested. "Or did you?" Willow let out a humorless laugh. "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry." Tara added

"No, it's okay. I wouldn't call him my boyfriend. I don't really know what he is." Willow confessed.

"How can you…oh, I'm sorry." Tara asked quietly, "Is it Spike?" Willow looked up shocked. She didn't think Tara would know. "I thought it was kinda weird how he seemed too protective over you when we first met. What you said the other night…"

"Yeah, it's him."

"There's nothing wrong with that you know." Tara said comfortably. "He seems nice for a vampire." Tara smiled at Willow. "He's cute too. And that's coming from me."

"Thank you for saying that. I don't think the others would be as understanding as you though."

"Why not; Spike helps, doesn't he? I mean, I know he's not a vampire with a soul, but he seems good enough…with the chip though."

"Yeah, but the others don't trust him. I'm surprised that Angel left. I thought they hated each other."

"Who's Angel."

"Vampire with a soul" Willow looked a little confused. "You just said that. I thought you knew."

"No, I just thought…"

"…it was a myth. Nope, he's real. He and Buffy used to date. Soul went away; soul came back, Angel goes to L.A."

"Wow…what happened with his soul?" Tara was truly interested.

"Gypsies cursed him a long time ago. He used to be known as Angelus. The only way he could lose his soul was if he had a moment of true happiness. He had that with Buffy…they…"

"I get it." Tara urged Willow to continue.

"He then went back to being evil. It took awhile, but we found the restoration spell. I performed it, but it was too late." Willow stopped for a moment. "Buffy had to kill him because he opened a portal. Then he came back, and then he went to L.A." Willow finished. "That's the short version."

"That's…that's wow."

"I know, try living through it."

"Is he the other vampire?"

"I have to watch what I say." Willow mumbled into her hands. "Yes, he is. And now his soul may be permanent because I willingly gave myself to him."

"That's amazing. Does Buffy know?"

"Buffy I slept with the ex love of your life that you still love, but now he has a permanent soul." Willow smiled. "I don't think that would work out to well."

"I guess your right. But, she can't be to judgmental about you and Spike."

"There's no me and Spike anymore. He found out about me and Angel."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Willow was about to say something else when Molly came up. Willow smiled, "Hey Molly."

"Hi Willow…are you ready to leave baby?" Molly asked Tara

"Oh, uh sure; Willow, are you okay?" Tara asked standing

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Go have fun."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, she's sure." Molly said impatiently.

"Ok, well I'll see you around Willow."

"Tara!" Willow called before they got too far. Tara turned. "You won't tell anyone, right?" Willow asked nervously.

"I won't tell anyone, Willow." Tara assured

"Not even Molly…please." Willow almost begged

Molly looked suspiciously at Willow. "I won't tell her Willow, if that makes you feel better." Tara said.

"Thank you."

Willow watched the two head through the crowd. She rested her head in her hands. She wasn't expecting to have a conversation like that. She jumped out of her seat when she looked up.

"I can't say I'm surprised that your back."

"I didn't come here to see you." Willow snapped at Rack.

"Maybe not intentionally…" He stepped closer to her and touched her hand. Willow felt a shock go through her. "I'll be out back." He whispered

Willow watched him go then looked back at her friends. One more time wouldn't hurt, right?

* * *

Xander looked over to the table where he checked every so often. Willow said she was going to be right back, but then he saw her talking to Tara. Now looking up, he didn't see her. He, Buffy, and Anya walked over to the table.

"Maybe she went to the bathroom with Tara." Anya suggested

"No, I saw Tara leave with someone else. Let's check the bathroom." Buffy said. The three walked over to the bathroom and Buffy went in to check. "She's not there." She said when she came out.

"Where could she be?" Xander asked when they got back to the main room. "I don't like this." Xander admitted.

"Don't like what, Zapper?" Spike asked from behind grinning.

"We can't find Willow." Xander replied simply. "Have you seen her?"

Spikes grin fell. "No, why was she here on her own? I told you Rack likes to come here." Spike almost snarled as he headed to the alley. The three followed closely behind him.

"Do you really think she would go back to him?" Buffy got her answer when Spike threw someone against the wall. "Spike; the chip"

"I don't think he's very human." Spike held an arm against Rack's neck. "Where's Willow?"

"You can't hurt me, vampire." Rack smiled. Everyone was shocked when Spike flew across the alley and hit the wall. Xander stepped back and stayed in front of Anya, and Buffy got ready to fight. "Don't even try, slayer. You can't hurt me." Rack said cockily. "Red…she wondered off happily." He waved off.

"I swear…" Buffy seethed. "I will find…"

"Meaningless threats" Rack brushed off

* * *

Giles was driving home from the Magic Box when he saw someone stumbling along the sidewalk. He no sooner put together that it was Willow. He swiftly pulled the car up next to her. She didn't even notice and kept walking on.

"Willow!" he called rolling down the window. She continued walking; either ignoring him or she didn't hear him. Giles got out of the car and caught up with her. "Willow" he said lightly touching her wrist.

"Giles" She said happily. "What are you doing here?" Willow started walking again but tripped over her own feet. Giles was quick and caught her before she hit the ground. He held her shoulders until she stopped swaying. "Oops." She laughed.

"Giles immediately knew what was wrong with her. "Willow, we need to get you home." He tried to stay calm.

"Aww…but the nights still young. We could go out and do something." Willow smiled. "Come on, we never spend any time together." Willow pouted.

"Willow…" he held her wrist. "…you are a danger to yourself and others in this state." It was hard, but he stayed calm. He could tell that she wasn't taking him seriously. "You need to get home." He tightened his grip a little.

"Ow" she complained. "Don't do that. You're not Spike."

"Ex-excuse me" Giles stuttered.

"Spike is the only one who gets to do that." Willow frowned. "Although, I don't like how he left marks last time."

Giles lifter her sleeve up and saw some finger marks around her pale wrist. "Willow, get in the car." He demanded

"No" Willow defied

"Willow…" His voice was low. "Get…in…the car."

Willow stared at him for a moment before moving to the passenger's side. "Grumpy." She muttered under her breath.

Giles got in the car and put his seatbelt on. He was about to put the keys in the ignition when the car started moving on its own. He looked at Willow and saw a large grin on her face. "Willow" he said warningly.

"Look Giles, you don't even need keys."

Giles tried to use the breaks, but the car got faster and faster. "Willow, stop this now." He tried to sound strong. But the truth was that he was terrified. He looked over at her when he heard her laugh. He could see the mischief in her eyes. "Stop this now!" Willow wouldn't listen. Giles watched in horror as the car swerved down the street. "Willow, please stop. We could get seriously injured." He tried to reason. He thought about rolling out of the car, but he couldn't leave Willow like this. He looked out the front and his eyes widened in terror. They were heading straight for the pull. "Willow!" He yelled. He heard and saw her take a deep breath. Her face went deathly white. "Willow" he tried to get her attention. He could tell the high was wearing off. He looked at the pole again and they were almost there. Willow was still looking straight ahead.

"Giles" She said desperately and then the car jerked.

Giles realized that Willow lost her hold on the car. He held the wheel tight and slammed his foot on the brake. The car swerved and she flew forward hitting her head on the dashboard.

"Willow" Giles said quietly when she didn't sit up. "Willow, please say something." He gently lifted her and saw tears in her eyes. "Willow…"

"I'm so sorry." She said before her eyes closed and she fell back.

"Me too" Giles whispered. It was the first time he realized Willow wasn't buckled. He reached over and fastened it. "Me too"

* * *

Giles pulled up to the front of Buffy's house and saw Buffy, Xander, and Spike on the front porch. When they saw Giles they immediately ran to the car.

"What happened?" Xander asked frantically as he lifted Willow out of the car and saw the cut on her forehead.

"I'll explain once we get her upstairs." Giles said. "Where's Dawn?"

"Anya is with her. I wasn't sure if…" Buffy felt guilty about what she was about to say.

"It's okay Buffy. She can not be predictable like this." Giles comforted.

Buffy nodded and followed Xander inside. Spike was about to go with but Giles stopped him.

"What's wrong, Watcher?"

"I don't think you should be here." He said simply

"Whys that?" Spike asked

"You know why, Spike." Giles said turning towards the door. "I have to say I'm afraid to ask you to."

"I can't hurt you…only her."

Giles turned back to Spike. "What?"

"You heard me. Something's different about her. The chip picked up on it."

"Go away, Spike." Giles sounded tired.

Spike eyed Giles a minute before turning to leave. Giles didn't go in until Spike was out of sight.

TBC…


	8. Rebuilding

**Part 8**

**Rebuilding**

Willow was sitting on the couch watching TV when the front door opened. She saw Spike walk in with a book in his hand. She watched as his eyes scanned the house until they landed on her.

"Do you know how to knock?" Willow snapped

"Somebody's testy today." Spike teased. "What's with you? Tired of being under house arrest?"

"Nothings wrong." Willow said turning back to the TV.

"Sure, whatever…" Spike waved off. "Where's the slayer or watcher? I have the book they wanted."

"Giles is coming over soon to go patrolling with Buffy. Right now she went to drop Dawn off at a friend's house." Willow explained

"You're here alone?" Spike tried to sound like he didn't care.

"No, Racks in the kitchen getting me a drink." Willow said sarcastically

"That's not funny." Spike said quietly

"No, but that's what you were thinking about." Willow said knowingly.

Spike sat next to Willow on the couch. "You went back to him after being told that he was dangerous. You even said you wouldn't. Then you go and almost kill yourself along with the watcher. Now you're surprised that you're being treated like this. What did you expect?" Spike took the remote from her and turned the TV off. He threw the remote to the chair across the way. "Well?"

"I expect…I expect…" Willow didn't know what to say.

"You expect them to yell at you. You expect to be punished in some way." Spike answered for her. Willow looked at him like he was crazy. "You want them to treat you like they used to. Maybe even kick you out. You want them to leave you alone to your self pitying."

"That's stupid."

"Maybe, but it's true." Spike leaned back on the couch.

"That's not true!" Willow yelled standing up. "Don't you dare say that. I am grateful for everything they have done for me. I wish I could do more to repay them, but I can't. You can't come back here after being gone for two weeks and saying this to me. You know nothing about what's going on with me!"

"I know more than you think." Spike said leaning forward.

"No you don't. You don't know anything and you don't care." Willow fell back on the couch and put her head in her hands.

Spike put his hand on her back and rubbed small circles. "You know I care about you. I don't know why, but I do."

"You have a weird way of showing it." Willow muttered into her hands.

Spike was thrown off by her comment. "I have a weird way of showing it." He repeated. "I know we weren't the model couple, but I thought we were something. You betrayed me…with Angel."

"We were something." Willow said looking in his eyes. "We…" she stopped when car lights shown through the window. "Buffy's back" She said quietly

"Can you sneak out later?"

"Why?"

"Just meet me in my crypt in an hour." Spike then left the book on the table and left through the back door.

* * *

Willow walked into Spike's crypt later that night. She didn't see him so she headed to the ladder and started to climb downstairs. She was moving down when she checked below her. She almost fell off when Spike popped up next to her. He rested an arm on her waist to make sure she didn't fall. 

"Don't do that." Willow reprimanded stepping off the ladder.

"Sorry…it's a habit." Spike chuckled. He still had his arm on her waist. He removed it. "Sorry" he mumbled letting her go. "How did you break out?"

"I said that you had some information on the resurrected. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to hear about it."

"Good lie."

"Sadly"

"Why is it sad?" Spike asked puzzled.

"I've never been a good liar. Now I am." She merely said.

"Sometimes it's useful." Spike said.

"Yeah…so, why did you want me to come here?"

"I didn't think we were done talking."

"Oh"

"Oh" he copied.

"I was done." Willow really didn't want to have an in depth conversation with Spike right now. He was too close earlier and he would hit the right cord sooner rather that later.

"I've missed you." He said quietly. That definitely got her attention. "Last time we…talked it got a little out of hand. I'm sorry." He apologized sincerely

"It did…thank you." Willow nodded her head. She knew this wasn't over.

Spike was expecting more, not much more, just more recognition of his apology and confession. "I am serious."

"I know. Its just weird hearing you talk like this." Willow acknowledged.

"You're the only one I'd say it to." Spike looked for a reaction. "What do you think about that?" he inquired.

"I think it's…nice" Willow said with a little hesitation.

"Nice? I just poured my heart out to you and you say nice?"

"I don't know what else to say." Willow defended herself. "It's not everyday that somebody empties their heart in my hand."

"I've been trying to do that for awhile now. I was before you died!" Spike realized his voice was getting louder. "This isn't the first time."

"I'm sorry; I just don't know what you want."

"I want you to treat me like you would anyone else. You come to me with every little problem you have and then you run away as soon as it becomes too real. I want you to listen to me like you do the others."

"I listen to you more than the others." Willow stated.

"Even Angel" Spike questioned

"Is that what this is all about? Is that why I'm really here?"

"No, but I'm not surprised that it led to him."

"I am. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I…"

"Why did you do it?" Spike cut her off

"I don't know." She said weakly

"Yes you do."

"You don't want to know." Willow tried to avoid the situation for as long as she possibly could.

"I asked didn't I?"

Willow let out a breath. "It just happened." She said again. "We were fighting. It was the 'my pain your pain everyone's pain' kind of thing. After that…"

"I don't care how it happened I want to know why it happened." Spike stopped her. "Is it some kind of secret love you've always had for him? Do you love him?"

"No" Willow said without hesitation.

"Did it mean more than the both of you led me to believe?"

"It wasn't meaningless, if that's what your implying." Willow said. "I care about him, but I don't love him."

"Did you do it to hurt her?"

Willow knew exactly who he was talking about. "How could you ask that. Of course I didn't do it to hurt Buffy." Willow turned to leave.

"Its true…isn't it?" Willow stopped. "In some way it is."

"No, it's not." Willow said again, only this time it was more pathetic.

"She pulled you out of heaven. Are you telling me you aren't the least bit mad at her, at them?" he queried.

She still had her back to him. "They didn't know. I can't blame them for that. They only wanted to help. It wouldn't be right to blame them."

"Damn what's right!" Spike came back with. He moved in front of Willow. "You are more lonely and miserable now than ever. You're not going to get better by moving through life like this."

"What do you want, Spike?" Willow asked lowering her head.

Spike lifter her chin with his finger. "I want you to be honest with yourself."

After a little hesitation Willow said, "I know what they did. Yes, I am a little…disappointed that they did it, but I could never…"

"You can't say it, can you?"

"It hurts." She whispered. Tears started to form in her eyes.

"What?" Spike put his arm around her shoulder.

Willow rested her forehead against his chest. "What did I ever do to deserve Hell? Why would they think I ended up there?" Spike gently led her to the bed. "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything to deserve it." Spike rubbed her back. "You went through a Hell portal. That was their reasoning."

"But it's death. Death is death." Willow insisted

Spike knew she was right, but he didn't know what to say. He let her rest her head on her shoulder. He stayed there with her.

* * *

Willow woke a few hours later. She could feel Spike's arms resting on her waist. It didn't bother her. As much as she always wanted to deny it, she felt safe with him. 

She carefully turned to look at him. His eyes were closed. She took the opportunity to touch his face. It was so smooth. She wondered if he remembered what he looked like.

He's a vampire. He's supposed to be mean and evil and revel in the pain of others. But he doesn't. Even without the chip he was different.

Willow moved her hand to his shoulder and gently shook him. "I have to get going." She whispered

"Wait a little longer." He mumbled. "The sun will be up in a little while."

"How do you know? There aren't any windows down here." She observed.

"Vampire senses." Spike rested his chin on her shoulder. "Go back to sleep. I'll wake you when the suns up. It will be safer then."

Willow rolled back over. "Thank you, Spike…for just holding me. It's nice."

"Anytime Red"

* * *

"How did it go with Spike?" Buffy asked putting together a lunch for Dawn. 

"It was okay. It was more opinions by others than facts." Willow made up. "But it was nice he tried."

"Dawn! Hurry up I have to get to class to!" Buffy called then turned her attention back to Willow. "Are you sure he wasn't just trying to spend time with you? Everyone knows he has a crush on you."

"He didn't try anything, Buffy." Willow said lightly

"Okay, if you say so. I just don't want you to get hurt. He's still a vampire and probably an enemy without the chip." Buffy warned.

"He's not that bad. Give him some credit. He does help." Willow defended.

"I know you two have gotten closer." Buffy said. "Not sleeping together closer." She quickly added. "I know you wouldn't do that." Buffy didn't see the speck of guilt in Willows eyes. "I just want you to be careful."

"We have…talked." Willow replied carefully. "He is dead, so he knows a little of what I'm going through. It helps."

"As long as that's all"

"Buffy, are you ready yet?" Dawn said walking into the kitchen. "I'm going to be late. I can't be late again or I'll get a detention." Dawn complained.

Buffy got together her things. "What are you going to do today, Will?"

"I don't know yet. I'll find something."

"Okay, we'll see you later."

"Bye Willow" Dawn called as they both hurried out the door.

* * *

After finishing her breakfast and getting dressed, Willow realized she had nothing to do and nowhere to go. She decided to clean the house up a bit. She did the dishes and laundry and just general cleaning of the house. When she was done she fell onto the couch and let her brain fry in front of the television. It was almost noon when Willow had enough. She decided to get up and go for a walk. It was a nice day out. The sun was out and it was the perfect temperature. 

Willow wasn't really paying attention to where she was going. She let her feet lead her to wherever they wanted to go. She smiled when she realized she was at Xander's construction site. She guessed it was the lunch break when she heard a whistle blow. She walked around a bit looking for Xander. She didn't know what she was doing here, but she just needed to see Xander.

"What's a pretty little thing such as yourself doing in a no good place such as this?" A voice said from behind.

Willow turned around and smiled. "Looking for a handsome man to take my mind off this monotonous day"

Xander looked around. "Well, I don't know where Mike is at the moment, but will I do?" He joked

"You'll do just fine." Willow said quietly. She stared at Xander.

"What's with that look?" He asked

"Nothing, I was just remembering."

"Remembering what?"

"Us" She said simply and looked down.

Xander nodded his understanding. He turned to a guy that wasn't to far away. "Jake! I'm going to take a long lunch. You're in charge!"

"What's going on?" Willow asked when Xander took her hand and started to pull her.

"You'll see when we get there."

"Ok" willow mumbled

A little while later, after stopping for a hot dog courtesy of Xander, Xander and Willow were sitting on a park bench watching kid's play in a sand box.

"Do you know where we are?" He asked

"I do. But why are we here?"

"You said you were remembering us. Well, this is the greatest memory I have of us.

"Why?"

"It's when we first met. The little event of kicking sand at you and your Barbie started something that I cherish more than anything." He looked at Willow. She was leaning forward with her hair covering her face. He pushed her hair behind her ear. "I'll never forget that."

Willow turned her head to look at him. "Never say never"

"What do you mean?"

"I forgot." She admitted. "I completely forgot at first, but it was one of the first flashes that came to me." Xander rested his hand on her back. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Willow." Xander said. He knelt down before her when she wouldn't look at him. "You went through something traumatic. It's understandable that your memory wouldn't be there at first. You just had to get back in the swing of things. But I'm here for you. I will always be here. Even if it's three in the morning, you just call me."

"Thank you, but I'm still not in the swing of things." Willow confessed. "I still feel different and…alone."

"You're not." Xander insisted. "You are not alone."

"It was the first feeling I felt when I came back. I was all alone staring at my grave." Willow said somewhat angrily and Xander caught it.

"One of the things I regret more than anyting is not being there. I can't think of a good reason why we didn't wait or open your…get you out first. I am so sorry Willow." He rested his head on her knees.

Willow put her hand on his head. "It's okay; don't worry about it. It's over. I don't blame you Xander."

Xander looked up and smiled. He wiped his eyes. "Same old Willow. Always worrying about others before yourself."

Willow looked behind Xander. He turned his head to see what she was looking at. They watched to kids play and laugh and scream together. Some were playing with dolls and others were playing with the sand alone. They watched as the parents pointed and smile at the kids. Xander turned back to look at Willow.

"What happened to us Xander?" Willow looked in his eyes. He could see tears about to fall out. "Why aren't we the way we used to be?"

"Things change, Wills. But we are still us."

"No we're not. I miss no matter what happened; we were there for each other. It was us against the world, but the world was school and evil was Cordelia." Xander moved back on the bench and put his arm around Willow. "I miss my crush on you." She rested her head on his shoulder. "I lover her, but do you ever think what would have happened if we never met Buffy?"

"I have. There's nothing wrong with that. We gave our lives to helping Buffy. We didn't have to, but we did. But over the last few months I wish we didn't. That's when I started imaging my life without her. But all my fantasies had one thing in common."

"What's that?"

"You"

Willow smiled at Xander. "I can't picture my life without you, Xander."

"I had to see my life without you, and it wasn't good." He pulled her into a hug. "I love you Willow."

"Why aren't we together Xander?" Willow half joked

"Maybe on another path we are."

* * *

"Willow! Willow, are you here?" Buffy called walking in the house. "Willow!" 

"I'm here!" Willow said standing at the top of the stairs. "What's going on…?" Willow stopped when she saw two guys standing in the doorway. "Hello"

"Hi" they both greeted.

"Willow, this is Mark." Buffy said holding one of the guys hand. "And this…" Buffy pulled Willow down the stairs and in front of the soon to be named guy. "…this is Jake." She smiled brightly. "We were going out to dinner and a movie. I thought you would like to join us."

Willow and Jake shook hands and exchanged smiles before Willow pulled Buffy aside. "Buffy…" Willow really didn't want to go. She begged her best friend with her eyes, but Buffy either ignored it or didn't see the silent plea.

"You need to get out. He's a great guy. I think you should give it a chance." Buffy insisted.

"Do I have a choice?" Willow relented

"That's the spirit." Buffy said happily and pulled Willow up the stairs. "We'll be down in a few minutes." Buffy called over her shoulder to the two guys.

* * *

"So…" Jake tried to find something better to say but failed. Willow and Jake were walking down the street after the movie. Buffy and Mark wanted some time on their own so that left Willow and Jake uncomfortably alone. "What did you think of the movie?" Jake asked.

"It was good…funny." Willow replied. "What about you?" She tried to keep the small talk going.

"It was good for a comedy." Jake admitted. "I guess I'm not in a funny state of mind at the moment."

"I know that feeling." Willow said honestly. "There's been a lot of stuff happening lately. Sometimes it's hard to laugh.

"Did you lose someone? I lost my sister to a car accident a few months ago." He opened. "I guess I'm not fully over it yet."

"I'm sorry, but no, I didn't lose anyone like that."

"In what way did you lose someone?"

Willow turned her head to look at him. "Your very perceptive…aren't you?"

Jake gave her a cheesy grin. "It's a gift."

Willow tried to smile but couldn't. "People have just gone. I've been through some stuff in the last few months and my friends are sort of there for me, but not completely."

"What about school?" Jake asked genuinely interested

"I had to drop out." Jake waited for her explanation. "Maybe once we've known each other more than three hours." Willow said

"Your friends are probably there and you just keep missing each other. Give it time and it will get better. They are there." He looked down. "I would give or do anything to bring Kelly back. Who knows if she's happy where she is."

"She's happy." Willow lightly touched his hand. "Believe me, she's happy."

TBC…


	9. Over

**Part 9**

**Over**

Willow walked slowly through the cemetery towards Spike's crypt. She didn't really want to be heading that way, but she felt she didn't have a choice. She had said goodnight to Jake a few hours ago and couldn't stop thinking about him and Spike. Jake was great. He was smart, funny, cute, sweet, and easy to talk to. He would make some girl very happy someday, just not this girl. She didn't feel anything for him and Willow thought she knew the reason. That is why she's in the cemetery after midnight looking for Spike. She didn't have to go far before she saw a platinum blonde head fly through her path and hit a tombstone.

"Spike!" she squeaked, but it did no good. He was out cold after hitting his head. She turned towards the demon that threw Spike. He was an ugly thing. It was big, ugly, and looked pretty strong. "Spike!" she called again. She did that over and over but he wouldn't wake up. Willow kept her eyes moving between the demon and the unconscious vampire and she moved backwards. It wasn't long until she ran into a tombstone herself. The demon smiled and advanced on her quicker. Willow closed her eyes and said a few Latin words. The demon began to scream as he was engulfed in flames. She watched with wide eyes as the demon burned until she heard a moan. She ran to Spike's side. "Spike"

"What are you doing here, Witch?" He asked groggily.

"I wanted to…to talk to you." Willow said helping him stand.

"That may have to wait. There are demons about." Spike looked around.

"Demons, you mean, as in more than one?" Spike nodded. "Well there's one less. I made one go poof." Willow gave a small smile.

Spike looked impressed. "Nice job, pet. Now why don't you do it a few more times?" Spike suggested indicating behind Willow.

Willow turned to see three more demons closing in. She said her spell again and it worked, but only on one demon. "Damn" she muttered. She started the spell again as Spike went after the last one.

Spike was having some trouble with the demon. Willow was about to do the spell again, but she didn't want to hurt Spike. She ran up behind the demon and jumped on its back. That gave Spike the opportunity to snap the distracted demons neck. The demon began to fall to the ground along with Willow, but Spike grabbed her around the waist and held her up. They looked into each others eyes before Willow pulled away.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Spike asked pulling out a pack of cigarettes and leaning against a tombstone. He watched as Willow looked to the ground and fidgeted with her hands nervously. "What's wrong?"

"Earlier tonight I went out with this guy…Jake." Spike was about to light the cigarette when he put it back in the pack and back in his pocket. "I had a pretty good time. He was great." Spike kept his face blank. "The only problem was I compared him to you all night." He could tell Willow didn't see that as a good thing. "This isn't working." She stated bluntly. "Whatever we had or have…it has to end." Willow took her first look at Spike. His face was neutral. "I need to move on with a normal life. I can't keep coming to you with all my problems. It's not fair to use you. You deserve better. We will never work out. It's doomed to end badly. I'm sorry." Willow took one last look at Spike then turned to leave.

Spike finally let it all sink in and found his voice. "You think you can just walk away from it all!" He shouted after her. Willow stopped but didn't turn around. "I don't get a say in this?"

"What do you have to say Spike?" Willow tried to hold back the tears.

Spike quickly walked up to her. "I want to be with you. I don't want what we have to end. I want it to grow." He grabbed her elbow when she turned to leave. He lightly pushed her against a tombstone and stood close enough so she couldn't run. "I don't care what's normal. I love you." He said sincerely. Willow stared into his eyes. "I don't care about Angel. I don't care about your friends. I don't care about what you did to me or I did to you. I just care about you. I will always be here for you. I will never find anyone better than you if I live another thousand years." He lifted her chin with his finger so she was looking at him. "I love you."

By now Willow had tears running down her cheeks. She tried to get more words out but all she said was, "I'm sorry." Then she ran away.

* * *

**1 Month Later**

"You're awfully quiet, Wills." Xander observed. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired." Willow lied. She had a feeling everyone else knew she was.

"You know what would make you feel better!" Xander said excitedly and stood from the table. "Dancing!" he pulled her up.

"Xander, no…" Willow tried to stay seated, but Xander wouldn't let her.

"Go on Will." Buffy said pushing Willow up. "I have to talk to Anya about something anyway."

All three gave her a weird look. "About what" Willow asked innocently.

"About…the Magic Box" Buffy said like it was no big deal. "Now go dance." Buffy smiled as Willow was dragged out to the dance floor of the Bronze.

Anya wasn't very happy about what had just happened. "What did you do that for? They can't be alone together during a slow song. What if she comes between me and my Xander? I know what happened with Cordelia." Anya said with a humph. "We're newlyweds." She pointed out.

Buffy almost laughed at her insecurity. "Calm down Anya. Nothing is going to happen between them." Buffy looked out to see Xander saying something to Willow. She could tell it was a special moment. "He's probably telling her something about when they were younger." Buffy commented. "You will never have to worry about her taking Xander away from you romantically."

"I hear a 'but' coming." Anya said annoyed

"They love each other more than anyone could ever imagine. You saw Xander when she was gone."

"That's what I worry about." Anya admitted. "There's something between them that I will never have with him."

"He is deeply in love with you." Buffy said touching Anya's hand. "Never doubt that."

"Thank you, Buffy. That was sweet of you to say." Buffy nodded. "What did you want to know about the Magic Box?" Anya wanted the subject changed.

"That was just a decoy. I wanted to know if you noticed anyting different about Willow. You have been gone with Xander on your honeymoon for two weeks so I wanted to know if anything…off struck you about Willow." Buffy looked guilty for asking.

"Actually, if you asked me this a while back I would have said she was getting better. She seemed like she was happy for awhile, but then something happened. I don't know what, but she seemed different before we left and maybe worse now."

"I noticed that too. Do you have any idea what it could be because I can't figure it out?"

"I don't know, maybe you should ask Spike." Anya said

"Why Spike?"

"You haven't noticed it?" Anya saw Buffy's confused look. "They have gotten closer."

Buffy nodded. "You're right. They have."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't like the idea of my best friend being close to a vampire."

"Your best friend died. So did the vampire."

* * *

Buffy walked through the cemetery part patrolling and part searching. As much as she hated to admit it, Spike and Willow have gotten closer and if she wanted to figure out how to help Willow, she would have to go to Spike. Buffy knew it wouldn't be easy. Spike would take pleasure in her asking him for help with her best friend. Buffy didn't care though. She would do anything to get close to Willow again. Buffy wanted her best friend back.

You know it's not safe to be out here all alone in the middle of the night." A voice said from behind. "You might make some demons happy and get hurt." Spike said throwing a cigarette to the ground.

"I need to talk to you, even if I really don't want to." Buffy replied.

Spike didn't miss the seriousness in her voice. "What about"

"It's about Willow." Buffy said sadly

"What about W…the witch?" Spike tried to stay calm. He didn't know if this was leading to a beating because he slept with the slayers best friend.

"You've gotten closer to her."

"I have." He answered cautiously

"Why…and how?

Spike didn't want to get in trouble by saying something stupid. He couldn't hurt Buffy without hurting himself. "What do you want, Slayer?"

"I want to know why you have gotten closer to my best friend while I have gotten further from her." Buffy cried. "Why would she run to you?" She snapped

"Maybe I was there for her." Spike said roughly

"I'm there for her." Buffy snapped

"Then why does she run to me?" Spike was enjoying this. Even though Willow wasn't talking to him anymore, Buffy didn't need to know that.

"I don't know." Buffy said loosing the fire in her voice. "I'm trying to help her, but I don't know how. She won't let me in. I thought she was getting better but then something happened and now she's miserable."

"She's miserable?" Spike said a little too happily. "I mean…she's miserable?" Spike brought his voice back to neutral.

Buffy was nearing tears. "I want my best friend back."

Spike had an unusual moment of sympathy for the slayer. "Talk to her. Tell her that I told you everything." Spike said. "Don't judge her slayer; she hasn't been in a good place for a long time.

"What happened?"

"I won't be the one to say. It's up to Willow."

* * *

Buffy quietly opened the kitchen door and snuck into the house being careful not to wake the others up. She thought about what Spike had told her about tricking Willow into talking to her. Buffy opened the freezer and pulled out the mint chocolate chip ice cream. "You are the answer to the world's problems." She muttered putting a spoonful into her mouth. Now that Buffy knew something was wrong with Willow, she needed to find a better way of getting to it.

"Hey Buff, did you just get in?" Willow asked entering the kitchen.

"Uh yeah, what are you still doing up? It's after one." Buffy pointed out.

"I couldn't sleep so I came to visit my friends, but it seems you already got to them." Willow indicated to the tub of Ben and Jerry's.

"Well grab a spoon and dig in. I'm sure they won't mind the extra company." Buffy smiled. "I know I won't."

"I think I'll take you up on that offer." Willow sat down with a spoon.

They sat comfortably for a few minutes before Buffy's curiosity got the better of her. "I talked to Spike tonight."

"Oh, what about?" Willow tried to sound only semi interested.

Buffy thought it was better just to come out with the truth. That was the only thing that would get to the root of the problems. "In the last few months you and Spike have gotten closer." Buffy saw Willow about to say something but she held her hand up. "Please, let me finish." She almost begged. Willow nodded her head. "I know you have been talking to him more; the most out of all of us. I'll be completely honest, I don't like it. It's not because he's a vampire or an enemy, but because I should be the one helping you. And it's frustrating to know that I can't help you because I don't know how."

"You have, Buffy. You all have." Willow said quickly

"If that were true then you wouldn't be so…sad." Buffy said wiping her eyes trying to keep the tears away. "Spike told me to tell you that he told me everything. He said it's up to you to say anything. But I don't want to trick you. I don't want to trick you into talking to me. That's not what friends do." Buffy finished with a few tears in her eyes. Willow pulled her into a hug. "Please, Willow, let me in." She begged into Willow's shoulder. Willow slowly pulled back when Buffy's sobs grew smaller. "You can tell me anything. No matter what you tell me, I will still love you." Buffy stressed

Willow didn't know what she could actually tell Buffy. Sure she said that she could tell her anything, but did she mean that? What if Willow did tell her about Angel and Hell? Could she handle it? Could she handle Spike?

"I slept with him."

"What?"

"I slept with Spike." Willow said with more confidence.

"Oh," was all Buffy could come up with at the moment.

"Yeah"

Silence fell over the two. Buffy wasn't expecting that kind of confession. She also didn't know how to comfort Willow. Was Spike the reason for her sadness? Did Spike hurt her? Did they end it? Buffy was so confused but she didn't know if she should voice her questions.

Buffy did a good job hiding her confusion. Willow couldn't read what was going on in her friends head. Sometimes Buffy would wear her emotions on her sleeve, but this was not one of those times.

"That's…that's…wow…okay. It's…"

"I never meant to hurt you or…" Willow rushed

"No, I know. It's weird. I mean, its Spike."

"In a strange way he was there for me." Willow justified. "I just…in some way I guess I wanted him; needed him. I don't know how to explain it." Willow lowered her head.

"You don't have to." Buffy replied resting her hand on Willow's knee.

"I want to try." Willow said after taking a deep breath and looking back up.

"Then I'm here to listen."

Willow gave a weak smile before continuing. "I…or he started to talk to me. It was small talk at first, but then he started to ask how I was really doing. He made me tell the truth in some weird Spike way. He wouldn't let me say I was fine. He knew I wasn't and I guess I started to resent him for that. I tried to push him away but he wouldn't leave me alone. We started to fight a lot and I guess the anger and hate turned into something else. That's what I guess led to…"

"Do you love him?" Buffy cut in

"No, I mean, I…I don't know."

"Whatever you are doing with Spike, I will never hold it against you. Whatever you do I will always support you. I know I tried to make things better by trying to treat it like nothing happened, and I guess that was wrong. I just didn't know what else to do." Buffy tried to explain her actions the best she could. "But please, don't ever be afraid to talk to me. I will be there for you with whatever you and Spike have."

"Had; whatever Spike and I had." Willow corrected

"What changed?" Buffy inquired

"I couldn't do it anymore. I was using him and that wasn't fair. He was giving me so much and I was taking it, but I didn't give him anything in return."

"You gave him yourself." Buffy tried to comfort, but this was a different and difficult situation. "He has had a thing for you for a long time and you finally gave him what he wanted." Buffy didn't know if that sounded how it was intended.

"No, he gave me his heart and I used it to my liking." Willow said degradingly. "I hurt him more than he ever hurt me."

"He hurt you?" Buffy went defensive

"No…he…"

"Does the chip work? Did he force you?" Buffy's mind was racing now.

"No, Buffy, just listen," It was Willow's turn to beg. Buffy took a deep breath and relaxed. "The chip works. It just doesn't work on me." Willows voice got smaller and smaller. "He has never done anything to me that I didn't want." Buffy was about to say something but Willow stopped her. "I think I'm going to head back up." Willow didn't give her a chance to stop her. Before she walked out she turned back. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

Buffy nodded, hating that Willow had to ask. "I won't say a word." Buffy sat for a minute then hurried to the stairs. "Willow! If it means anything, Spike is pretty cute." Buffy hoped that would help a little bit.

Willow gave a genuine smile. "Thanks."

* * *

The group at the table stared at the obviously uncomfortable man standing in the middle of the shop.

"When?" Dawn's meek voice traveled from the couch.

"W-Wednesday." Giles answered

"Wednesday!" Xander shouted. "As in the day after tomorrow? Why such short notice, Giles?"

"I didn't want a big fuss over it." Giles smiled. "I know you all; you wouldn't let me leave without something big."

"Giles, what if we need you?" Buffy said quietly. "What if I need you?" Her voice sounded like a broken hearted child.

"You don't need me anymore, Buffy. You have learned everything that I can teach you and more. You have to stand on your own now." Giles sat down next to Buffy and held her hand like a father would his child. "If any of you ever need anything all you have to do is call. I will be on the next plain back." Giles made clear standing back up. He looked around the store. "Everything has been arranged. I will leave the shop in Anya's care."

"Really?" Anya said happily and clapped her hands. "This is great!" She noticed the looks she was getting from everyone else. "I mean, you'll be missed."

"I don't like it." Xander argued. "You're Giles. You're our book man."

"I have no doubts that you all will do fine. You should give yourselves more credit." Giles said confidently

"How can you be so sure?" Buffy asked

"This wasn't an easy decision for me. I have been thinking about it for a long time. I wouldn't leave if I thought of any bad that could come with it."

"What about all the evil that happens here?" Dawn questioned. "That's pretty bad."

"You can all deal with it." Giles said with assurance

The others didn't know what to say. Willow, who hadn't had any reaction yet, stood up and walked to Giles, "We all have to do what we have to do. But we will miss you anyway so you better call." When she finished you put her arms around his neck and hugged him. Giles hesitated a moment before putting his arms around her. Soon, everyone joined in.

TBC…


End file.
